You are here

Bipolar Disorder

Long Way Down

May 13, 2015
‘It feels like a long way down.’ Yes it certainly does. The crashing fall from the highest peaks of manic elation to the deepest depths of despairing depression is devastating. My mood swings are like clockwork and for the past few years I would become gradually more elevated from October until my mania would peak in February/March. May would...
Share

Twenty-Four

May 13, 2015
When I envisioned myself at 24 I always thought I would be a huge success. I would be on the front page of fortune magazine, I would have a nice car, a nice house, nice family and nice job. I assumed I’d be out of the house and on my own. I’d be working a career I loved and I’d be on pace to making millions. But life isn’t as picture perfect as I...
Share
Tags:

Ashley Washington

What does someone with bipolar disorder tend to look like? Are they blonde, have curly hair? Do they talk differently or walk slighter faster than the average person? Much of the time you can't tell by just merely looking at someone's outer appearance.Eleven years ago, at the age of sixteen, I was diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Disorder also...
Share
"It’s not you, but..."I recently had this said to me by three people that I care about in the context of them asking to have some time by themselves to figure out their issues. I was able to give space much more easily for two of them compared to the third. The reason being I was much closer to the other person – he is my partner. ...
Share
Tags:
The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More and more severe depression. Suicidal tendencies followed by a suicide attempt....
Share

I Want to be Thankful

April 27, 2015
During my bouts with depression I found it nearly impossible to feel grateful.  I made lists of things I should be grateful for but the feeling of gratitude didn’t reach my heart. It was a miserable way to live since true gratitude brings me a deep, satisfying feeling that brings peace to my sole. During times of “normalcy” I...
Share
Disclaimer: the purpose of this blog is not to discourage you from taking meds, but to be informed about the meds you take and to be open with your doctor about the side effects you experience. I haven’t always been full of self-confidence or high self-esteem. Like most people, I have struggled with these issues at some point or another in my...
Share
I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind post-discharge, and is centred round my thinking of being worthy of being called a...
Share
Tags:
Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications.  When I quit taking my medications I am more likely to use substances to control...
Share
We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have been. They reveal the strength we all have deep down inside of us. So many...
Share
A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication which most definitely would have ended in psychosis and hospitalisation. It...
Share

A New Normal

April 20, 2015
I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so miserable? The problem with attaining stability after being unstable for so many...
Share

Pages