Recently I have been watching a series of television programmes by Derren Brown on Channel 4 in the UK called ‘The Experiments’. Each episode has explored a facet of human nature: the first asked whether it was possible to hypnotise an individual into assassinating a well known celebrity; the second looked at deindividuation and human behaviour...
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October 17, 2011
I write a lot about Hollywood. Why? Well, I think it's because I love t.v. shows and movies, or maybe because I have friends and relatives living in L.A. and work in the entertainment industry. Or maybe it started because as a baby, I was exposed to movie projectors and movie theaters because my dad was a projectionist (before the days that all of...
October 16, 2011
As someone with a bipolar diagnosis, I do feel very deeply and I used to wonder if that was the problem. I realize that it's okay to feel deeply and even to show the emotions (I mean, Jesus knew he was going to call Lazarus out from the tomb, but He still let Himself feel the sadness of his friend's death and the Bible records that "Jesus wept")....
I destroyed my first marriage through infidelity, wild spending sprees, outbursts of rage, and many of the other hallmarks of uncontrolled bipolar mania. People who know the ugly details of my story are often surprised to learn that my second marriage is so successful and solid. How can my spouse trust me? How can I trust myself?In my other life I...
September 28, 2011
Stigma. One very important issue we, as a community, try to battle. It's the negative assumptions associated with bipolar and those who have been diagnosed with the illness. I personally have experienced instances where certain assumptions were made about me once I revealed I had bipolar. I became viewed as a liability. But then there are the...
September 16, 2011
I hear about this so much, people hate the weight gain side effects of medication. I will be honest with you, I hate it too. However, I have learned the hard way. The most impulsive and manic thing I have ever done is get liposuction after gaining 36lbs from medication. I charged it on three credit cards. My medications caused increased appetite...
September 15, 2011
So this sadness returns quietly. Always quietly. No great trumpeting or horn blast. No drum circle or full bodied gospel wail. No stunning metaphor or dazzling simile. There is only this throbbing and distant and empty and quiet. Always this white noise of rush and tide. It’s what silence sounds like.Water.For the last few weeks, I’ve been trying...
August 15, 2011
Just this past week, I traveled with my wife and our seven-month old son to Winona, Minnesota, La Crosse, Wisconsin, and Viroqua, Wisconsin to share my experiences of living with bipolar disorder with four different audiences. At the end of two of the presentations, I was asked a question that I am often asked when I present my story. The question...
August 15, 2011
I'm racing out the door with my work bag slung over my shoulder, a glass of water in one hand, and my handful of morning medications in the other. Anti-depressant? Check. Mood stabilizer? Check. Adderall? Check. Anti-anxiety? Check. I gulp them down with the water and race to the bus stop. It's 7:45 am and I'm running late for work. On the walk/...
July 18, 2011
Gosh I hope not. In the last few years, the headlines in newspapers and magazines have been flooded with reports of celebrities having bipolar disorder, criminals having bipolar disorder, even headlines of missing persons who have bipolar disorder. There was Britney Spears and her head shaving debacle; Charlie Sheen and his “winning” brigade,...
July 14, 2011
When I woke up that morning in hospital, ten years ago, she stood there. The psychologist I started to see about three months prior to becoming manic for the first time. I went to see her, because deep inside myself it felt as if something was “not right”, but neither of us had any idea I has bipolar.“Please help me, don’t leave me”, I said.“I won...
June 4, 2009
I am not mean I am nice. I’m thankful for the things I have and do. I like myself so I don’t want to change. I am a lot like those around me. I have feelings, emotions too.Sometimes I might get angry, upset, surprised or excited. My emotions are built up inside of me. When I’m angry and stomping. I feel like I’m about to burst, like piñata filled...