South Africa The sad bigotry, Like stalactites, Cold fingers, Paw at the caverns of my mind Phantoms, reminitions of my past, Await me, In cochineal cloaks, Those ghosts of yesterday To feed again, Extinguish the lights of my horizons I yearn to remove this cancerous growth Within...
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November 4, 2014
Mental Health Awareness Week occurred from October 5-11 and on October 11 I participated in one of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s ‘Out of the Darkness Walks’ in Northern California. I was planning to go alone because I had attempted to persuade friends and family to join me, but I got the same response, ‘Susanna that is too...
October 22, 2014
This week my old friend really wanted to meet up with me. I just had a very deep depression episode and now I’m trying to go back to society. I’m looking for a new job, doing things which I used to love and doing as much as possible to feel good. And stay out of trouble of course. She knew about my problems but we haven’t been in touch lately. In...
October 2, 2014
I want to talk to you all about something that I experienced very intensely when I first started taking medication. What happened was I felt a very strong dull feeling inside. I was no longer feeling the lows, but I was also no longer feeling the highs either. So, I was just left with a sort of bored feeling constantly. I will admit, it was...
September 24, 2014
I have loved writing, for as long as I can remember. I have written during many of my happiest moments in my life and of course during some of the toughest times as well. Within just the last couple of weeks, my husband’s and my world turned upside down. I’ve been stable for so long, and yet what we are presently going through has...
September 18, 2014
For a number of years I worked in the financial industry and HAD to closely follow the news to be well-informed. Near the end of that time I started taking various self-improvement courses and started having different sessions with various non-traditional medical professionals. The topic of negative input going into my mind came up...
August 26, 2014
Suicide has been in the media a lot over the last little while due to the very sad passing of Robin Williams. As such a public figure, his death has started a broader conversation about suicide. I do not know his circumstances and so I will not dwell on what lead Mr. Williams to suicide, except to say that clearly a very kind soul has been lost....
August 22, 2014
The day Robin Williams passed away my husband woke me up from an impromptu nap. I had a rough day and I was very tired. The first words I heard from my nap were “Robin Williams passed away”. How? “Apparent suicide” he replied. Now I don’t normally get emotional over a celebrity passing, as each life is just as precious, but this hit my quite...
August 20, 2014
I write this entry in my blog with a very heavy heart, as I mourn with the rest of the world over the tragic news of Robin Williams passing. A brilliant man, in every sense of the word, an amazing actor, a Talented Comedian, a man who shared the gift of laughter with the world. It breaks our hearts in a million pieces to...
August 8, 2014
I hate myself right now. I hate myself every time I’m depressed. I just started a new medication after gaining 9 pounds in a month on the previous med I tried, so I’m depressed about that on top of having general depression. Since I’m starting over again on a new medication, I have to wait out the 4-6 weeks it can take for the...
August 6, 2014
Mary Alice Do
I’ve had episodes of depression throughout my life, but it was only seventeen years ago that I realized I had a mental illness. Up until that time, I blamed the episodes on circumstances of my life like being away from home my first time, escaping from Vietnam in ’75, my husband becoming seriously ill, him dying, my daughters going off to...
August 6, 2014
I'm here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn't believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated. I was apologizing constantly. I even talked about it in therapy. Even though they had both forgiven me time and...