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Editor's Note: This was orginally a book and has been converted to a blog. Each paragraph was a different page in the book. Dedication: This book is dedicated to my dad. My dad has a daily struggle with his mental illnesses. But, he pushes through it, and that is why he is my hero. I love my brave hero! In 2012, my dad was diagnosed with...
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Can't Turn Back Time

March 10, 2015
My kids are growing up. I know it's inevitable, but I want time to stop. I know there are many parents that feel that way, but for me it's heartbreaking. You see, I missed out on a lot of precious time with my kids while they were growing up. For the past 10 years it seems like I've been inside a hamster wheel of being sick, getting...
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Last night after the kids went to bed, I was mopping frantically looking at these spots on the kitchen floor. Why won’t these come up? I set the mop to the side, maneuvered my way - slipping and sliding - to take a closer look. Yep. Stickers. My two kids love their stickers. Unfortunately, they um…stick to everything. Bits and pieces of stickers...
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Understanding Me

March 4, 2015
How far can my loved ones understand me when it comes to my disorder?  Sometimes I think they get it, other times…not so much.  When I am manic, for example, no one takes my credit card and tells me to stay in the house and not do “outrageous things” like spending sprees.  However, if I get depressed and have one sliding thought of...
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When Others Don't Seem To Care

February 19, 2015
“YOU DON’T CARE!” I shouted this at my mother the other day… and it was hurtful on so many levels. Because when I calmed down and thought about it, she DID care… in many other ways. In the vein of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, I want to thank my mum for loving me in these ways: -TIME: She took time from her busy schedule...
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In my last blog entry I wrote about the art of giving space and the example I gave was more about physical space. Since then I have had a think about a different type of giving space – giving others the space to value things differently. I think it helps me to choose positive perspectives, which in turn aids in managing my mood. I have seen a...
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My daughter was having challenges with her boss.  Despite her best efforts all she got was verbal and non-verbal criticism. “I don’t like that…you need to do it my way…you’re not good enough.” Although she is naturally a positive person, every time her boss came around her shoulders would sag, her nerves would tighten and her day would turn...
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Bipolar Mother, Bipolar Son

January 15, 2015
I dreamed of having a child throughout my formative years.  When asked what I would be when I grew up, I readily answered “A Mommy!”  I doted on baby dolls, babysat throughout my teen years and dressed every cat we ever owned up as a baby.  I deeply wanted to know the connection, but had problems with my reproductive system,...
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Around Christmas I got into an argument with my ex-husband, no big surprise there.  Communication has never been our strongest asset.  Anyway during the argument he said some things that really upset me and have really stayed with me.  He said, “Quit playing the victim and living off the system all the time and quit teaching your...
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I Choose Life

January 5, 2015
I am just going to come out and say it.  I, Nanieve, am relieved that I can finally rip down the gaudy Christmas baubles, fold up the tree, and wipe the stupid but, expected cheerful grin off my face. To me, the festive season feels unbearably stressful.  Everything feels contrived. Every "ho ho ho", every elf in plastic...
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The Art of Giving Space

December 22, 2014
Recently I went to a private ward to be admitted just so I could sleep well for a few days. The irony was that it happened just a week after I had come back to Singapore to be with family – I had done that precisely so that I could have more stability in my housing situation and better sleep. I had been struggling for a few months with sleep...
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Recently, my daughter had to have heart surgery to close a hole in her heart that should have closed on its own shortly after she was born. She is 18 months old and is now 7 weeks post surgery, healed quickly and is now considered to be healthy and normal.  But the stress of the situation caused a relapse in the stability I was so proud of...
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