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Last night after the kids went to bed, I was mopping frantically looking at these spots on the kitchen floor. Why won’t these come up? I set the mop to the side, maneuvered my way - slipping and sliding - to take a closer look. Yep. Stickers. My two kids love their stickers. Unfortunately, they um…stick to everything. Bits and pieces of stickers...
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Understanding Me

March 4, 2015
How far can my loved ones understand me when it comes to my disorder?  Sometimes I think they get it, other times…not so much.  When I am manic, for example, no one takes my credit card and tells me to stay in the house and not do “outrageous things” like spending sprees.  However, if I get depressed and have one sliding thought of...
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When Others Don't Seem To Care

February 19, 2015
“YOU DON’T CARE!” I shouted this at my mother the other day… and it was hurtful on so many levels. Because when I calmed down and thought about it, she DID care… in many other ways. In the vein of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, I want to thank my mum for loving me in these ways: -TIME: She took time from her busy schedule...
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In my last blog entry I wrote about the art of giving space and the example I gave was more about physical space. Since then I have had a think about a different type of giving space – giving others the space to value things differently. I think it helps me to choose positive perspectives, which in turn aids in managing my mood. I have seen a...
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My daughter was having challenges with her boss.  Despite her best efforts all she got was verbal and non-verbal criticism. “I don’t like that…you need to do it my way…you’re not good enough.” Although she is naturally a positive person, every time her boss came around her shoulders would sag, her nerves would tighten and her day would turn...
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Bipolar Mother, Bipolar Son

January 15, 2015
I dreamed of having a child throughout my formative years.  When asked what I would be when I grew up, I readily answered “A Mommy!”  I doted on baby dolls, babysat throughout my teen years and dressed every cat we ever owned up as a baby.  I deeply wanted to know the connection, but had problems with my reproductive system,...
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Around Christmas I got into an argument with my ex-husband, no big surprise there.  Communication has never been our strongest asset.  Anyway during the argument he said some things that really upset me and have really stayed with me.  He said, “Quit playing the victim and living off the system all the time and quit teaching your...
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I Choose Life

January 5, 2015
I am just going to come out and say it.  I, Nanieve, am relieved that I can finally rip down the gaudy Christmas baubles, fold up the tree, and wipe the stupid but, expected cheerful grin off my face. To me, the festive season feels unbearably stressful.  Everything feels contrived. Every "ho ho ho", every elf in plastic...
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The Art of Giving Space

December 22, 2014
Recently I went to a private ward to be admitted just so I could sleep well for a few days. The irony was that it happened just a week after I had come back to Singapore to be with family – I had done that precisely so that I could have more stability in my housing situation and better sleep. I had been struggling for a few months with sleep...
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Recently, my daughter had to have heart surgery to close a hole in her heart that should have closed on its own shortly after she was born. She is 18 months old and is now 7 weeks post surgery, healed quickly and is now considered to be healthy and normal.  But the stress of the situation caused a relapse in the stability I was so proud of...
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Life Preserver

December 16, 2014
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) logo is a life preserver. I think the idea is that the organization brings people together who want to preserve life and prevent suicide. For those of us who have tried to help a loved one who has to navigate life with a mental illness, the idea that you, personally, are a life preserver for...
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 We've all heard it before, or something similar, "This too shall pass". "Just puts your big girl panties on". "You've been here before, you can do it again". While our loved ones mean well, in the throes of depression, these are sometimes the absolute worst things to say to someone living in what seems to be the depths of doom....
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