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Flying Home with a Sinking Feeling

Deborrah Bédard 

airportI'm so tearful. I'm embarrassed sitting here at the gate waiting for a plane that will take me away.

I cannot even begin thinking, much less speaking, about returning to SO MUCH UNCERTAINTY...without eyes brimming and overflowing. People sitting around me must think somebody has died unexpectedly and that I am suddenly grief-stricken.

Numb. Anxious. Dread at leaving such comfort that only family and childhood home can offer. But I am NOT AFRAID. As soon as I can reach the loving arms of the friends and my church/spiritual family, I will be okay. It's strange to have such a longing for this group of uplifting, prayerful humans.

Today's scripture, Hebrews 11:6, from my Daily Bible app, was powerful and a reminder to allow God total access.

On the plane, I carefully plotted out a depression rescue plan. Thanks to the friends who understand my bipolarity, I was able to verbalize my fear of self-isolation. I'm sinking and need their support. I do NOT want to wallow in the self-pity that followed me home. I'm afraid about not being able to get out of bed properly tomorrow morning.

LabI don't want to drown.

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