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Letting Go

Rebecca L. 

Letting go can be one of the most difficult decisions you have to make in your life.  Especially when it comes to people in your life that you so desperately want to care about.  When you finally come to the realization that they don’t care for you nearly on the level that you care for them, you find yourself systematically following through with the stages of grief. 

For me, anger is the hardest stage to get through.  When all you wanted was a thank you or a good job every now and then, it’s hard not to be angry.  For years and years I let my own feelings fall by the wayside and only worried about everyone else.  Look where I find myself now?  Estranged from all of the people that should be the first ones to be by my side when the chips are down. 

Now that all of the name calling and the finger pointing is out of the way, I have decided that I am done.  I will no longer place myself in unhealthy situations or toxic relationships, just because I am “supposed to”. 

The people that have hurt me the most in life will continue their narrow minded view of me, my life, and my illness.  I can no longer allow that to dictate whether or not I find happiness in my life.  I have to be stronger than that, and I have to be stronger than their opinions of why I am not good enough.  If for no other reason, than to preserve what is left of my self-esteem.  

It turns out that what my real problem when dealing with people is expecting those that have no capacity for gratitude to express some. I am a sensitive person that cares far too much, and it's going to be a very hard habit to break, to stop caring about these people. Now it's time to let myself grieve the loss of what I thought they were. Despite their constant efforts to indicate that I deserve this much pain, because I only bring it on myself, I will never allow myself to believe that. I have a huge heart, and you did have a place in it, and still could have, had you not been such a cruel, heartless bunch of people.

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Comments

OMG!!! I have been searching for the words to describe my situation for so long & you nailed it! Thank you so much for your help:)

Thank you for reading and for the comment! I appreciate it!

It's hard enough to watch your child go through this awful disease, and then lose all their friends in the process. Ignorance is rampant; but I will always be here for support and love and listening. A mother loves her child through any storm! And I am a counselor by profession, so I understand the nature and insidious ness of the disease, and despair watching my child in pain.

Thank you for your comments, Judy. I appreciate what you are saying and thanks for reading.

I broke up with whom I thought was THE ONE. Your post describes it beautifully. Here it is 6 months later and I miss him. Even if he is that horrible narcissistic cheating jerk. Everyone keeps telling me I need to get over it and that I'm obsessing. Part of why I had the strength to end it was because of facing my BP. You have to re-learn how to be a person, let alone how to grieve without destruction and reconcile so much of yourself and your world. They have no clue. Thank you for sharing this.

Thank you for your comments and I wish you all the luck in the world with your new path.

I just recently am experiencing these emotions. I even attempted suicide. I have been treated for depression since my twenties and am now being treated for bipolar depression at the age of fifty. I was able to hide myself in the rearing of my children but now they have grown and I have to deal with my illness head on. It's nice to know others are feeling the same so I don't feel so alienated. I was in a horrible marriage for 21 years with 4 children and finally broke free. They were all young when I did but was fortunate enough to be able to sustain them financially with no support. I am married now to a wonderful man who took on a very tough roll and has been a rock. I am now learning to find myself and take care of me with his support. I thank God I have my husbands understanding for the time I need to try and heal and cope. All others in my past that I have sacrificed my happiness for are long gone. I am still feeling unappreciated by all of those I have given to. I know this is going to be a long hard process but am willing to attempt.

I was straight up and honest from the get-go about my illness two years into our relationship achieving started and he's started give me excuses that he couldn't handle my mental Health issues and he wanted to be with somebody that was healthy… It took everything in my being to ask him to leave it's been a year and a half and it still hurts to this very day I have not forgiven him nor have a stop crying thanks for sharing your story it gave me some solace

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