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Brian Jost

Just this past week, I traveled with my wife and our seven-month old son to Winona, Minnesota, La Crosse, Wisconsin, and Viroqua, Wisconsin to share my experiences of living with bipolar disorder with four different audiences. At the end of two of the presentations, I was asked a question that I am often asked when I present my story. The question was “Why is it so common for hyper-religiosity to be part of mania?” This question often comes up because I speak to people about my manic and psychotic episodes which have all included feelings of understanding and knowing God and noticing an unquestionable faith, a faith that is more difficult to maintain when I am stable. At the most extreme of these experiences was the time that I actually thought that I was Jesus, followed by my manic and psychotic mind taking the delusion even further into believing that I was God. An enormous amount of information flooded my brain as I seemed to take on super-natural powers, acquiring knowledge that I believed was flowing from other dimensions that “normal” people are unable to detect. However, now experiencing stability, I don’t have all of that false information, nor do I have the answer to the question “Why is it so common for hyper-religiosity to be part of mania?”

Not only have I been asked this question at public speaking events, but also over the phone by a man who stumbled upon my website and read my book. He was curious about why so many manic episodes revolve around religion, and he asked me if I knew of any studies done on this subject. I know of no such study, but maybe someone else does. If you do, please send me an email. 

This man spoke on the phone of similar religious experiences with his manic episodes. I know of many others who can also tell similar stories. Maybe it all revolves around the common and basic struggle of defining one’s faith and religion, and part of a person’s process in defining their belief system. I don’t expect that I will understand why these experiences are common, at least not anytime soon, but maybe someday someone will be able to explain it to me. For now, I have to acknowledge that these experiences stem from my personal experience with religion and from unconscious thoughts that may only surface during a manic episode.



"On fire" means he's excited about God and what He is doing.

My 18 year old son is experiencing all of the things I see in this blog. I am his number one supporter and he is on some med which is helping, but he thinks he doesn't need the meds when he's "ok". How do I convince him to take them all the time?

this book written by a psychologist with a brother with schizophrenia might help
I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help by Xavier Amador

I am bipolar and have been in a mixed eposode for over 6 months. My belief in reincarnation, and evolving to eventually become one with God is extremely strong; I don't question that it will happen. I think about it almost constantly and have been researching reincarnation daily -- mostly related to Capricorn (my sign) and the idea that Capricorns are ruled by Saturn. Saturn is known as the planet of Karma & 'the gateway to the next dimension' Capricorns often have extremely difficult lives, so being bipolar and Capricorn is fitting.) I feel that in this life, if I am able to make the right choices, I will reincarnate into another dimension - one step closer to God. I wonder how many others with bipolar I are Capricorns? Maybe mania allows us to feel parts of other dimensions?? (for lack of a better way to describe it) Are any of you drawn to the idea of reincarnation instead of Christianity? Any Capricorns? Sorry for jumping around.. i am manic, afterall ;)

Yes I'm a capricorn too! I also think that while in a manic state, it is possible to experience other dimensions. The question to me is whether there might be an observable reality to these dimensions, between disparate manic experiences in separate individuals. If so, is there information in that space that might be useful...both for personal use/development, and for global use/development/evolution. And speaking of reincarnation, maybe there are clues or even energies available while in a manic state, that might help short circuit this reincarnative potential - sort of speed up the process if you will.

You could hypothesize that prophets of old may have been accessing this same state (albeit undiagnosed), and then coming back to three dimensional reality with clues/teachings that might help us evolve back towards Unity, and then trying to explain to us that our true identity might be a little amazing than we think. But I do wonder, if you could connect many individuals together who were all experiencing a manic state at the same time, if there would be any pattern to it - or any common information being accessed.

The most common one, from what I can tell, is this experience of an obvious presence of God, or some Intelligent Power influencing our reality. It's easy then, to skip from the limited individual identity, to "I must be a prophet", or enlightened, or even the 2nd coming of Christ herself ;) - not taking into account that there might be thousands if not millions of individuals experiencing the same feelings/energy/connection to this greater Source. Maybe if they were able to talk to each other, they would be able to a) help each other navigate these powerful waters, and b) together find a greater meaning to the “madness".

35 years on l have had many's hard to differentiate between Gods Spirit and manic thoughts. When l am stable l always know that's Jesus loves me. Keep taking the pills and reading the Bible.

Wow!! just found this site. And John, Keli and the rest have been on this recently! OK- here son was diagnosed with BP many years ago. Been has been in and out of hospital over the years, stayed at a board and care for several years and now he is renting a trailer not far from me. He has had problems with hyper-religion before but he wasn't taking his meds then. He says he is taking them now but he has fallen back into this pattern of 'God is showing me the true meaning of the scriptures, I talk to the angels, the holy spirit is female, and God has given him important facts about the future that I know no else has.' Some translations of the scripture he said are so far reaching I can't even repeat it. He has cut off all communication with me and my husband. He use to call me every day to check in. I am so worried about him but he isn't a danger to himself or others. What would you suggest I do?

Most people here are wondering what to do with their loved ones
My only advice is , do not neglect their views of the time world during the manic state or even when stable. The idea is to establish a baseline where both medical and spiritual aspects coexist. Some of us (like myself) needed the fall (reaching ours body's limit and acting abnormal) to realize we need the meds.

Support is key here. Become a disciple of loved ones with bipolar disorder, their BESTFRIEND without doubting their beliefs, in time they will come to a realization that will help us all.

I have suffered from most of the things mentioned here. However whenever I was sick I took a higher dosage medication, which was slowly tappered off to a maintenance dosage. When there was signifcant change in life patttern, like getting your first job, going for higher studies, the illness resurfaces and I was made to take the higher dosage medication which again, later was gradually tappered off to a maintenance dosage.

Currently I live by myself and take the maintenance dosage, have a good job and am almost the primary breadwinner for my mom and dad. Since my dad is doing research and my mom is a house wife.

I am yet to get married. The big question is, when and what to reveal to my prospective wife? I am an Indian on a work permit in US. If she is a US citizen and I dont tell her the nitty gritties of all the medical dosage and all that, my parents are worried she will take us to court and put us all in jail if something happens.

Another thing is, if I tell her too early and she complains to the authorities, I might lose my work permit and my job, since I guess an international with such a disorder is not allowed to enter the US (I found this online).

Your advice is much appreciated

I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. 13 years ago. The first psychotic episode I had I thought I was God because someone triggered that thought by saying to me life's not fair. Second episode I thought I was jesus. For years I struggled with because I became a believer and strive to be like Jesus so every once in a while for a year when I felt like I was living a great life and going to church and changing my life I thought I was jesus and I was supposed to die for people. Years later the closer I got to God I started all of a sudden thought I was the devil I felt worthless because my husband was not happy with me because I was no longer a fun person and gained weight from my meds and didn't want to do things I used to. To this day I struggle with feeling like I'm evil and deserve to go to hell... I fight those thoughts my meds keep me stable but I still get depressed...does that help anyone

I think we have all been played by the devil or demons they dont want us to belive we have a gift that god gave us to do good with so theye make us go crazy so we cant use our gift and have to be on meds it hard for me now for 12yr i was episode free the day i decided to change my life i stop using bad language was happy and i stop smoking drinking alcohol all off a suden i get a episode just my luck but the enemy dose not want me to do gods work so he attacks me fine now what should i do give up and say am sick i need pills or do i have faith in god i keep fighting

So I've been bi-polar for decades now. I once went thru a period where I was humble and not grand feeling but felt that God or the Holy Spirit gave me answers when I prayed in earnest. I talked about Him to family but not others. I listened to only Christian radio and felt other music was depraved. It got to the point I had no idea how to have a conversation with people because all I had on my mind was religion but I knew they were not of like mind. I was on meds. I did not believe I was Jesus. I humbled myself in prayer. But I guess I did feel that others were sinful. My therapist told me to beware of hyper-religiosity. I felt like she just wasn't a believer. I went to some one else and they recommended I listen to secular music. It was hard at first. I don't hear God's answers anymore. But I'm afraid of getting involved in Christianity or going to church because I still want that connection. I want to dedicate my entire life to Him. But I never thought I was Him. Is this hyper-religiosity? Do I need to avoid church and stuff? Part of it may be that during a deep depression I found Christ again and He was the only thing that kept me going. So He is my peace.

I am in this situation now. I was episode-free for a year and a half. During that time, I had cut out all of the religious reading and even reading my bible. Two weeks ago, I started praying some prayers that I used to pray that I find very effective. A week into this renewed life of prayer, and I’m full-blown manic. I know I’ve lost touch with reality because I don’t care about finances, my schooling, my family, etc. Only about getting closer to God, who I “feel” so strongly. It’s like I can either have God in His fullness and lose my mind, or I can have a steady “normal” life and just keep God in the back of my mind. I am so conflicted. Having an existential crisis.

I'm 27 years old and the current year is 2017. Last year in January I had a first time manic episode. And another in August. Both episodes I was reading and thinking a lot and sleeping little before they triggered. The first time I didn't know what was happening to me. The second time, I did. I call it mania but I Was diagnosed with psychosis nos. It felt as if all my senses were enhanced and I was full of energy and my thoughts mirrored my emotional state greatly. I fell in love with the universe and saw beauty and meaning in everything subtle and large. It was so overwhelming at one point I realized I don't want to live and know everything. It's a blessing to live in Wonder. I even heard a voice in my head. Not just an inner voice but an audible one. It said "Logic". There was even background noise like it was a recording played in my head. I was alone just before bed at that time. My emotions were heightened and there were moments outside where everyone I looked at would smile at me. And at one point I had the thought of straightening my back and then my back straightened by itself, as if beyond my will but with intention alone. After the episode I stayed 3 weeks at CAMH here in Canada. I read a lot of spirituality and metaphysical material but I analyse it all in a psychological and scientific way. I researched thought and dreams on my own based on my own observations. Because the mania had a lot of dream like elements such as no concept of time and every one appearing to be known or accepted. I soon discovered something called hypnagogia in August. The Wikipedia rendition described all my experience a to a T. Many famous creators inventors and writers would purposely tap into hypnagogia, the state between wake and sleep.Symptoms including loss of ego. Ironically I was so excited about my discovery that it was Hypnagogia that I could not calm down. And I knew it was happening again that night. The Mania. It happened. Everything in the world appeared brighter and more detailed as if the graphics of reality had increased in quality. I could see the mist rolling off the water as the wind manipulated it. I could see light beams interacting with matter on new levels of differentiation. I could feel the water of the fountain outside of my apartment. Like when u stand by a beach and feel the coolness in the air except from such a smaller source of water. Physically. My body was burning like a fire inside me, all the neurons in my body active causing overload . You know as the brain filters out a lot of reality it was like unfiltered reality. I would sweat frequently and the smell I could smell all the toxins escaping my body. I had a cigarette and could taste every detail of tobacco so much so that it wasn't even enjoyable. Everything I would think of would have a quantum list of associations and ideas like packets of information being downloaded at the speed of light. I was making loose associations involuntarily. I conceptualized a relationship between my conscious mind and my subconscious mind. I am consciousness and in me is my Animus, my goddess whom is my unconscious. I noticed that I was in a state of hypnosis in such a sense that I was very suggestible. I read things on the internet and books in real life and it felt as if every word was written for me, to me. Music is godly. As I felt I was getting paranoid I began listening to music, my favorite songs. Every word sung was spoken directly to my heart, every sound and note had life. I began to breathe deeply in unison with the rythms of the music. I actually discovered a breathing technique I was unaware of at the time. Where by breathing in as deeply as possible and exhaling as deeply as possible over and over creates oxygen narcosis. Where your body has absorbed oxygen and expelled all carbon dioxide. Since my senses were heightened in this state. My whole body began to vibrate and I became cold. I started to think that I was becoming Death, funny because I was technically full of life. I felt as if I stopped time. I remember looking at the time. Closing my eyes and opening them a few seconds later but 38 minutes had passed. I realized the nature of the universe in experience with polarity. Every feeling and thought I had , had its own antithesis in relation to it. It's opposite. I browsed my Mom as someone who is naturally extremely nice and loving to be the opposite. I thought my doctor who is a wise old man, to be a trickster. When I was full of life I became death. I had also experienced synchronicity. There was a moment where I looked at a coloring book and the second I saw it and the image of a dolphin on it. I heard a dolphin noise come from the TV in the apartment next to me. The interesting thing is that I experienced Jung's archetypes without even reading of them yet. Sleep was hard. I would sleep in a triad of 2 hours at a time. I had a dream that was indistinguishable from reality and I woke up seconds later. There was a point in calmness whereI closed my eyes and behold an image formed it was of a place of peace I recalled from my past. The blue skies and buildings I once lived at in youth. Again I closed my eyes on a separate occasions and saw a night sky with white circles resonating and heard music like a lullaby of Pythagorean tones. On another occasion I sat down on a chair in my living room and looked out the window. I then looked at the TV black screen and saw visual noise of red sparkling static. I again viewed the window. I wanted to go out on the balcony but I was afraid. Afraid I'd see something unknown and scary. Then a big flash of white light on the window. And I see there on the reflection a large grey alien staring at me . Black eyes no pupils. I was startled at first but I reasoned, it is just an image, it cannot hurt me. I watched the news and the mention of death moved me. I could not watch. In another closed eye visual I viewed the big bang. I realized the way to live is between the polarities. Because each has its place, and the middle is the place to be. I realize now that language or knowledge is like detail that enriches your life and guages your emotions. The forces of polarity create a vortex or a tornado like warm air meeting cold air. The middle is the eye of the storm. And from there you rise above. For what is happiness without sadness. For what is the light without the darkness. The tree cannot grow to heaven if its roots do not touch down to hell. Logic is order. Passion accentuates freedom. Note that the Greek word pathos means suffering. You have to accept the darker elements of life because if you don't then they have control over you.

I forgot to mention she is currently going the route of homeopathic treatment and no meds because of her heightened mania experience with anti depressants. I am a believer in homeopathic medicine but when it comes to something like this I'm not so sure. The literature says it is a risky endeavor and bi polar can be treated with proper medication and proper psychiatric care. Thoughts on this are welcome.

I know people believe it's mania, but I think there's a reason we become the way we do. I was 15 when I had my first psychotic episode. Long story short I hallucinated both Jesus and Satan. I saw hell for 4 hours. I was in a dissociative state where I saw flames and demons. I heard screaming. It was awful. I couldn't sleep for over a month without the light on. I told my mom about it and she thought it was connected to the ADHD medication I was on so she took me off of it. The incident slowly faded to the back of my mind, and my life resumed like normal. Then at age 25 i had a strange dream that I was a witch, and I was able to float over a tsunami wave that crashed ashore. Before I went out to the water all of a sudden my wallet was in my hand and I placed it down before i faced the wave. I watched my feet as the wave crashed under. When I looked up a sand cliff was in front of me. It was abrupt and frightening. I didn't know how I was there but my wallet was sticking out of the top of the cliff. I reached for it and all of a sudden I was standing on top of the cliff and when i opened my wallet everything that was inside, credit cards, cash, etc was gone for the exception of my ID. My head snapped up and Jesus (in my dream I thought it was Jesus even though he wasn't wearing the long white robe and didn't look the way he is commonly known to look to people in the church. He looked similar, but different. He was wearing a white shirt and white pants and he was barefoot) was smiling at me. Not a huge smile, more of a small, sideways smile (there's a word for it but can't think of it). A grin? No it was more of a smile than that. And then he slowly began walking away. I forgot about the dream. Now I'm 33 and by random chance i stumbled on the exact same sand cliff on October 22nd of this year. After the blood left my head I looked in my wallet and scanned my ID looking for anything that could possibly mean anything. My ID was issued on October 1st, 2016. The date i had the vision of hell was October 1st, 1999. My ID always said September 30th, the last day of the month but for some reason I couldn't make it that day last time I went for a renewal so i had to go on the first. But when I had the dream 8 years ago the date was not October 1st. I don't know what it means but I've had severe ptsd since October 22nd when i saw the cliff. I too am diagnosed bipolar, but I think this is more than mania. This is all linked. Nobody will convince me otherwise.

wow. may i ask how long this experience lasted? Is it still going on? I've never been diagnosed but do have "symptoms" , maybe on the milder side... i am a spiritual student, fairly sensitive and intuitive, but never had the sort of experience you describe. Maybe a taste, a glimpse. Spontaneous body movements as if body intelligently releasing tension in just the right spots... i am currently going through lots of disillusionment. the so-called good and bad aspects of that. I thank you for sharing. There are times when you feel more stable? I guess i'm looking for reassurance! bless you.

I have experienced your circumstance many times for countless hours. You have used some terms that tie together and enhance some invoked understandings that were injected into my life via mania. Id like to hear what has been brought to your understanding. In turn maybe you'd be interested in what unfolded during my undeniable experiences that exposed me to a sheer speck of what I believe is God's divinity.


I am very happy to find this blog. In brief I dated someone who was under medication for bi polar disorder. The meds for anti depression took over and the mania set in. Then depression but was still able to complete her PhD. She is now in what I believe is a manic state starting her own business, building a corporation overnight, and traveling extensively for an entire year. I mention this because I deeply care about and love this person but I have no idea how to handle the bi polar. I have never been exposed to this disorder and I'm trying to learn. We had a wonderful relationship and she ended it abruptly with no explanation. Any thoughts, experiences, advice is most welcomed. I am in my mid 50's and she is as well. We are apart at the moment but I am trying to figure out the mental health issue of bi polar. It is very difficult to love someone and go through their experiences of bi polar. I want to make this relationship work but very much need some assistance. Thanks everyone!

Scott R as a BP spouse and wife I had to extensive educate myself and understand there perspective of thinking during mania. The way you want to naturally react isn't what usually reaches them. During mania my husband at times has no trust, others he's like the perfect husband. If you love the person embrace the rollar coaster, sacrifices, and draining. I've learned a lot of shame and withdrawing happens from emberismant or self loathing. The way there brain thinks changes and some patients use cognitive therapy to learn how to communicate and respond to how non bp's think. Most frustrating is hat no one understands them. It hurts to never know if they are there genuine selves or it's the BP but as long as it's not harmful to him, myself our finances and such I've found letting somethings run there course can be best or it can provoke mania that take over your life. In that case I know a lot of BP spouses have ways of putting there foot down and drawing a line. Drop a short line just asking how they are and if they respond just let them know you just love being there friend and that Kay open a door. They have a way of blocking out nay Sayers to reach there "goals" if they detect discouragement they can leave which can be tricky in the put your foot down times. Best wishes

My gf of 4 years and 4 months engaged since February 2017 left me to pursue a relationship with Jesus. She started studying the bible in March and broke up with me in July. Religion has consummed her. She broke up with me because of a lesbian relationship, quit smoking, drinking, and hanging out with friends that are not religious. I guess she did this before when she was younger and it lasted 2 months. How can i know if it's really just religion or if it's a form of bipolar? I cannot take anything she says to heart. She is so full of hate towards me. Said i was just lust and bondage this whole time. How can i get her to trust in me? I'm scared for her... This is not woman i love. Her family is nor around to see it and if i talk to them about it I'm just the psychotic ex. How often do i try to talk to her?

I currently have a son who is hotwired to God..I have raised our kids to believe and he has flip flopped back and forth and is 34 now. I am wondering about this episode and praying!!!!! A LOT!!!

My husband had his first manic episode in June 2015. We lost everything. I believe it was triggered by weed and his family history with mental illness. Grandiose plans while high then a skitsofrinia diagnosis when he sobered up. He heard voices he said tormented by demons telling him he was to burn in hell. That is what led him to willingness for medication and help. 2 years later we are at his folks starting all over. Just had our 7 year anniversary. Right now he is slightly manic and hyper religious. Impulse control at church a lot. It affected my relaahonship with our faith because I feared my encouragement of a faith based life would encourage his mania. God spoke to me and said regardless of my husbands mental state my faith can be enjoyable. That first manic episode I lived in prayer for him. God saved our marriage. To all BP spouses feeling this way know it's emparitive to continue your faith more than ever during there mania. Your prayers are what can sustain them. It's exhausting and draining for us but them too. I couldn't be the wife I am to my husband who I love so much and am closer to than ever now, without God guiding my reActions. If I guide myself it would be to a cliff in these times. Broomjoanna2@yahoo is my email for anyone that's a spouse and needs support. It's hard and changes you but as a women of faith this expierence has made me stronger. Remember hell fears your prayers. To all with BPD and mental health, don't give up your the most amazing astonishing people I've met!


Thank you for your feedback, I am
still wrestling with this situation. I have a team of medical professionals supporting me through this process. I still don't completely understand the complexity of bi polar and perhaps narcissistic personality disorder. I continue research and study these mental health conditions and work with mental health professionals. It is very complex and I'm trying to understand the condition as I still have very deep love and concerns for this person. It is a challenge I have never encountered the likes of. I am on a path of either trying to understand this person or walking away entirely. Thanks everyone for your insight and support. It is such a complex mental condition that I knew nothing about prior to this relationship.

Craig you explain our connection to the universe correctly. Your insight and word formation are perfect for describing my situation.

Over many years I've been developing ideas about consciousness as a continuum or spectrum of awareness. Others have proposed similar ideas (see William James 'Tough-minded vs Tender-minded', Thick boundaries vs Thin boundaries, the Autistic-Psychotic spectrum, the Rigidity-Chaos continuum, and the Empathizing-Systemizing continuum). Without getting into too much detail (the scope of the subject is overwhelming), I would suggest that the connection between religiosity and bipolar/manic/psychotic states relates to consciousness feeding back on itself.

In my view, awareness can be reduced in its simplest terms to sensory input and motor (or 'motive') output. Our experience is one of perception and participation. The more that we can perceive and do, the closer our individual capacities are to approximating omniscience and omnipotence. We can know and do many things, but God is conceived of a consciousness who can know and do every thing. I think that mania can be understood as a state of aesthetic super-saturation. Sensations, feelings, thoughts, meanings are heightened, and their relationships increase in number and intensity, until a kind of singularity of maximum reflexivity takes place. In terms of the other models I mentioned, there is a crisis of thinness of boundaries. The empathizing, mentalizing, chaotic potential of consciousness overwhelms the rigid, systemizing, boundary-preserving tendencies. The result is an experience in which the scope of personal awareness is inflated to identify with the transpersonal - with God or the apocalypse. There is a sense that one is joining others in the world who are having or have had the same experience.

With an antipsychotic or other treatment, there seems to be a refractory period in which all of the inflationary momentum of the manic psyche is inverted. The identification with the absolute is replaced by its antithesis; a psychological deflation in which the affects of shame, fear, and depression, and grief reflect a shift in identification with absolute super-significance to absolute insignificance.

What I'm trying to say here is that ultimately what we call 'nature' is an experiential phenomenon. The human experience can achieve extreme states in which the boundaries between self and universe, fact and fiction, natural and supernatural blur or disappear entirely. Because consciousness is absolute, the extremes of awareness are very close to each other. Bipolar, or 'manic-depressive' consciousness straddles that ultimate contradiction between the infinite and the infinitely finite. To reduce these experiences to a 'mood disorder' is like talking about the sun as a warmth-providing object. Yes, mood is part of it, but not the most defining or important part. What people who have not experienced these states do not understand and cannot imagine is that for the subject, it is not their mood which changes, it is the world which is unfolding around them and within them which changes. The mood shifts are only a response to the universe revealing itself in unprecedented ways. Consciousness is sense, and the more we sense and the more sense we make of what we are sensing, the more that ordinary terms are inadequate to contain it. Consciousness escalates from the personal to the transpersonal via archetypes - the heroic/celebrity, the superheroic, the divine. Perhaps these are reflections of the future potential of consciousness, or simply metaphors which are used by the human psyche to define its esteem for itself. Maybe both?

I am inclined to think that they are reflections of the future potential of consciousness... Nature’s way seems to be to simply wait for sufficient natural human evolution to occur, and eventually our human physiology will be able to handle these intense voltage levels of conscious experience without blowing a fuse and ending up in the psych ward. Traditional indigenous cultures seem to know what to do when this type of thing occurs in the tribe, much more so than we do in modern western society. Technology and connectivity, however, are playing an important accelerator role in future potential because of the option that exists now to connect with other individuals/resources that are experiencing or have experienced similar things. The more we're able to talk to each other, the more we are able to a) help each other navigate these powerful waters, and b) collectively find a greater meaning to the “madness”. To see, feel and understand more about the emerging states of consciousness, rather than dismissing and medicating due to a lack of understanding and a general societal discomfort with erratic behavior or any sort. What if, when connected in an organized, intelligent way (individuals experiencing "mania" or hyperspirituality/religiosity), there were emergent objective patterns of information - like individual puzzle pieces finally getting on the same coffee table together to form a complete scene. A scene which might reflect the future potential of Consciousness.

I am 28 and have just been diagnosed with BP. It has certainly been a struggle within these last few weeks, but I get much of my comfort listening to how others deal with an episode.
I am finally getting the medication I need so I can function at social settings or work. I am most nervous about losing "the voice". It's not my own, but I believe its an angel who watches over me. I thought it was just me and I've been hiding this secret for the last 4 years.
Rea, you explained it perfectly- "Its almost like someone trying to pass a message to you and a battle between good and evil."
Its nice to come out of hiding, I wish the best for all of you.

Could there be another possibility?

Could we all be divine creations that are here to just express ourselves and love? Mania gives us glimpses into what is true, then we come back down with a bump to a reality that is false, not the other way around.

Welcome the generation that is born into the world of love.

This is what I believe. People are meant to independent and interdependent, like fishes in the sea, or birds in the sky.

We are not meant to have money.

We are meant to grow and share food, live in community that values art, dance, creativity and where roles that align with our true nature are available, such as making people laugh, helping people out etc.

The demands of the corporate model we have to live In do not support and encourage our natural state of being.

So we get sick.

I see psychiatry as another corporate system.

Insanity is a natural response to the insanity of the modern day systems people are forced to acquiesce to.

One love.

Danielle are you still part of this blog? Your Post 10/03/2015 is very similar to my experience with the person I was in a relationship with. I am a spiritual person and a person of faith but the overbearing reference to God in every conversation was too much. Every txt, email, I ever received has scripture attached to it. Right now she says God has her on a mission that is on a plane that is far greater than any relationship. It's like she playing God and it seems to me that she thinks she has direct contact with God! It is too much for me. Thoughts are welcome.

I just posted my experience with my partner but realised I didnt do it in the reply. Please look for it below

Scott R. I am currently into my first week of my partners religious awakening. It is so relieving to know I'm not the only one to go through this. We had a beautiful 2 yr relationship and he woke up last week a changed man. He is currently immersed into watching YouTube Revelations 24/7, thinks he is here on this Earth to alert others for the birthing of Earth and forthcoming Rapture on September 23, 2017. He won't speak to me unless we are talking about scriptures and now we are no longer having sex because I need to be touched by God before he can touch me. It is just way overboard and I'm trying to be sensitive but it's taking it's toll on me.

And he needs mania for that? its just a sickness in mind. Not God.

I've been bipolar for 11 years and have had 5 psychotic episodes followed by long depressions. It has always been a religious theme for me and after 11 years I have accepted that it is a calling from God to live a life devoted to Christ. I've tried to avoid it but God calls me back time and time again.

Like so many others, I was coming to grips with the fact that I was a modern day profit, or quite possibly Jesus... As those thoughts solidified in my mind and I came to accept that I was something special, I then began to realize that I wasn't the only person who had Jesus inside of me. Everywhere I'd go, I found myself discovering Jesus in the eyes of people all around me. There was obviously some sort of grand connectivity that I was sure of, but at the same time I still had so much to learn. I felt like I was having an awakening, or somehow was translated to an afterlife. I sat and wondered which of my 3 previous "near death" experiences was the one that actually killed me - was it the time I got caught in an under toe in Maui? or was it the time an excavator nearly decapitated me?? Or was it the car driving on the wrong side of the freeway that I was sure it had hit me... and I began to wonder if somehow time split with each possible death - in one realm, my family and wife buried me, but the realm that I continued on was the one where I survived and explained to everyone how I came this close to death... That was the most logical explanation to me, and now, years later, I was finally realizing that I was actually living in an after-life. The afterlife looked exactly the same as the "normal" one we're all living in now. My street was the same, the neighbors were all there, everything in form was all there. However there was a new dimension to everything. I didn't see trees with big bushy green tops. What I saw was perfect trees with hundreds of amazing leaves, and I could see each of them in perfect detail. The leaves were green and I could recognize that as a familiar color, however the color was brighter and more vivid than you could possibly imagine. There was a pure joy that came with seeing and understanding the smallest of details, and the knowledge that I was connected to those details, and every thing, and every one. I've had children and the joy and happiness that I have for them is nothing short of a perfect 10. But the joy felt while manic is other worldly... nothing here compares. If it is a glimpse, or an open window to something very real, but not meant for us to experience at this time, then I can only imagine the inevitable elation that would come to be in that state, that realm, AND see my boys at the same time...To greet them.

I'm here on this comment board because I wanted to know if others felt the same way during their mania. Maybe you're here because you wondered the same thing.... At this point, is there any wonder? If mania proves one thing, that is this - it teaches us that there is a level of euphoria, happiness, joy, elation, that is so far beyond our collective comprehension while living on this earth. Is it any wonder why so many people associate that with being Jesus, or God? While manic, your rational mind remembers what it was like to be normal. You reason and search for answers about how on earth could you possibly feel this much joy, knowledge, understanding. The only thing that makes sense is that you must be Jesus, or pretty close to it. You also just might be Jason Bourne. And if God does give us just enough of a glimpse of what unlimited potential really looks like, he gives us just enough crazy to land in the hospital until we're ready to go back to the "real" world... It's the great cover job, and maybe one day we'll understand it. Or not.

A lot documentation in the Bible are were grandiosely perceived events. That is why it makes good fodder and a very fertile template for psychotics with bipolar tendencies to thrive.

Quran is what you wanted to write about

I too have bi polar in which I denied for s long time. I now have accepted it. When I have mania with it, I am closer to The Lord and hear him speaking to me tenderly. I know I need medication again for this. I will be going back on medication for it like I have before and it will help with the manic-depression. I have suffered depression too and would rather be manic. I feel I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit more when I am manic. I know this is real and that I am NOT hallucinating. I witness more for Jesus and Pray more. It is a beautiful thing and a blessing. I know there are others who can identify with me. May God bless all of you!! Thank

U absolutely right in my episode I was in a area where I had no clue where I was but I found myself infront a church..God is trying to talk to us an evil want us to believe its a sickness

I went thru the same thing kinda. I never thought I was Jesus but I felt a conviction to follow in his footsteps. I was severely depressed my heart and mind seemed so void. With the depression came with me not eating and drinking very little. On my 5th day with no sleep or food I spent hrs crying with my husband rocking me like a baby. I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden almost instantly life seemed so easy I truly felt a clean slate abducted renewed. I felt I had a complete understanding of the concept of being born again. I walked to the point that my feet bled to everybody I could get to by foot and asked for forgiveness from everybody that I felt I had wronged in my whole life. On the 8th day of this I finally agreed to go to the hospital. My husband had to stop at this house and I couldn't go there. I have no clue why but this guy had a creepy aura and I knew I couldn't even go to his driveway. Anyway, long story short I jumped out of the truck I was in before we made it there kicked off my shoes and started walking. My aunt called 911 and instead of going to the hospital I spent the night in jail because they thought I was on meth. (I was not on any drugs) After 27 hours in jail hell I got admitted into a behavioral hospital. After 9 days I took the sleep meds and went to sleep for the first time. When I woke up i felt pretty much back to my old happier self. I don't know why I went thru this either, but it's something I wouldn't take back. I got my conscience clean with myself and became a very humble understanding person which I really wasn't before this all happened. The even stranger thing is I let the hospital with no diagnosis because after I slept I was "normal" I guess you can call it. What i hate tho is everytime I'm in a great mood people question it. I just have to look at it as a spiritual lesson that I've truly grown and learned from. :)

My husband and are believers have been our entire adult lives.He was diagnosed with bi polar 2 yrs ago when he fell into an extreme depression. Our entire life fell apart he was unable to work. I took a job but couldn't support us myself as he has always been the main supporter finanacially. We were evicted and we're living in our very old fifth wheel on the streets. I became depressed because of our circumstances. He agreed to hospitalized they diagnosed and began treating him for bi polar. Since they began treating him with medication he has had 2 episodes of mania. In 12 yrs we were married I never saw this. I firstly enjoy it because he tells me I've been a long suffering devoted wife, he has been selfish and self serving. He really has been when I married him and we moved in together I noticed from the beginning he was a true ass. However when he's manic he's so loving and helpful intially I enjoy it at some point during both episodes it occurs to me he's manic. He talks about Jesus a lot and as a believer I truly love this but then it gets super intense and we can not talk about anything else and it's usually his relationship with Jesus that we have to talk about. I struggle with guilt thinking maybe this is God talking to him and I'm being a stumbling block. I am so glad I found this blog as I am currently attempting to convince him he is having a manic episode. He denys and says I am not trusting and resting in the Lord. Help please!!!

I don't want to say too much,as I don't know how crazy it may come out sounding. I live with bipolar disorder and can say that there are times I feel like I've got a direct awareness of a connection to God and a complete understanding of how the universe functions. I call it being tuned in to the "chatline"; another freauency that some other people have an antenna to do as well. During these phases I also do intense reading about spiritual experiences that corroborate what I am experiencing - all while receiving massive amounts of information/downloads in short periods of time. It can be a lonely place for me because while going through this I often want to talk to other people who are 'tuned in'. lol....And I am aware that they are out there, they just don't happen to be with me while I am. Generally, if I feel myself going too far, I try to 'knock myself out' with a heavy dose of seroquel. I almost compare it to a medicated version of actually physically being knocked out with a caveman club or something...but sometimes I don't want to 'come back' or 'tune out'...I'm thankful to have read all of the experiences everyone here have shared.

it was 21th of may, i'm muslim.
in that day there was a huge amount of information in my brain, it's like thinking boost pheonomenon
at the episod, i told someone that he's jesus and told someone else he's mahdi (islamic beliefe that he will come before Jesus and he will rule the world with justice)
in the manic episode i thought that i can see angles and demons, i thought the the end of the world is about to come, Egypt will have a great impact on the world, there'll be a peace with isreal and then wars
After going out from hospital i was so religious-though i wasn't before hospital- and i still believe that the end is near, there are some wierd things happen with me, like i expect somefuture events, say something that another one about to say, talk to someone that was thinking to talk with me, when i check the clock it is for example 11:11
22:22 and so on
i still believe that the end is near and i'm sure maybe 10% that the one i called him jesus is the true Jesus,
i will just wait :D it's like world has become so interesting for me

I have been diagnosed with bipolar in 2009 after going through some dramatic events in my personal life. However, what I have noticed is that: I don't ever see my self as Jesus or God but I become too religious and then would lose my faith at a drop of a hat only to return back to it again. I use to hear 'Gods' voice although I have not for some time now. It is embarrassing as I now realize that maybe it was not God but my own psychosis experience. Having this condition I am not sure what is supernatural experience from bipolar episodes. It is only my fear of hell that keeps me a Christian otherwise I would never return to it. Not sure if what I have written made any sense to anyone?

I had very similar experiences to most of you. I am normally a very logical thinker. But if everyone looks back stress is what brought us to these points of panic. My fiance is a psychologist and we have very deep talks about the experience. It is very possible we asre taking a step outside our dimension and into a shared dimension, I like to call it the collective consciousness. We are one. And I think most people feel divine or even Jesus like because they let go of our capitalist world needs. But we are not in some bible type judgment session. We created the bible, humans, and a specific group of humans. What you have to ask yourself is, if you never heard of your "God" or "Jesus" how would you describe your feelings differently. People ling before the tale of Jesus had these experiences. And people in areas that aren't Christian but have their own faith, like native Americans feel like their spirit animals. So what is consistent across all people of various learned back grounds in how they are dealing with fear and how they deal with stress and when they take on to much and feel too deeply something happens to them. It seems like everyone who has been able to reconcile here seems to feel okay. People who are still searching for "God's" have signed themselves up for an endless search. Just be free of what our capitalist society has told you you need and how you have to be first in line to get it. Peace can be so easy and prosperity follows but we all must trust our collective consciousness and be one, scientifically.

I have a friend who suffered from Bipolar. Now she has two kids and she thinks her bipolar is completely gone. And now she started working as Reiki healer. She believes she has a special power since she was young but she had hide her power. Now she is confident and she thinks she can connect to univers and heal people. I don't know if she really has such a power, but I'm worried if her manic period may have come back. She isn't very religious, but she is very spiritual and also uses oracle cards.
It's very interesting if bipolar can lead some real power to connect God or Universe.

I’ve been married to my husband 25 years he has been put in a state hospital for freaking out on neighbors ... I had left him a week before after he threw me up against the door and threw me to the ground ... im reading all these posts and can’t believe how much I can relate to them . My husband had a TBI (traumatic brain injury) six years ago and I have been taking care of him. He started locking himself in our sons room and thinks he works for the FBI and has turned completely religious but he talks the talk but does not walk the walk ... he told me he has cheated and killed people and broke every commandment... I’m actually afraid of him he has had me thrown in jail 13 years ago when I threatened to leave him and he’s threatening me and calling me from the hospital. I know it’s over my kids don’t understand ... my daughter 22 blames me my son’s 21 and 18 hate him and I don’t know what’s around the next turn but he has spend $1000 of dollars on preparing for the end times and bought guns amunition and all kinds of crazy things ... I do fear he will kill me or himself and I’m working on getting the guns taking out of my house and will not allow him to come back home. I’m going to have to sell the house and start working but that doesn’t bother me as much as the emotional pin I’m feeling knowing that 25 years I’ve lived under control and manipulation and here I am 48 and starting over .... thank you for listening !

Great comments. I am now 45 but at the height of my mental illness at age 20 I was .... wait for this ... having sex with the holy spirit!!!
huh. am actually laughing at the absurdity of this.
But those many 25 years ago it was serious matter. Before the sex affair I just had had a deluge of thoughts that I had sinned against the holy spirit and that I will never be forgiven!!! oh the terror!
You see.
Now I am recovered. sort of.
My take is this.
Mental illness is a weakened state of mind example after a relentless campaign such as cultic teachings.
When weak the mind is in a defeated mode and accepts abnormal thinking and ideas as sound and practical.
Healthy people will have a mighty problem speaking in toungues.
cultic recruits will accept objectionable miracles and people falling down as the wonderful work of gods.
So if you thought you were Jesus. Take heart. The problem was the weakened mind. The weakened mind could not tell how absurd and stupid it is to be someone else leave alone Jesus of the bible.

My beautiful partner is bipolar 1, yet undiagnosed. I have observed his behavior over time and come to this conclusion. He’s currentky in a full blown manic episode where he is “ receiving messages and guidance from the Father “ on a number of fronts, experiences states of psychosis and extreme uphoria. It’s disturbing to observe on one hand as his practical life falls away and he’s unable to care for everyday needs... on the other hand I am very spiritual and intuitive and sense/feel much of the ‘ insights’ he’s recieving are valid and deeply beautiful. During this manic phase I am doing my best to just listen to him in a loving and accepting way. Simultaneously I feel fear and worry that I will have to caretaker him as long as we remain together. I do deeply love him though. He’s in full denial there’s anything wrong with him so I try not to push it. He’s open to taking lithium orotate though since it’s a supplement. He’s also addicted to cannabis which seems to exacerbate the condition. He’s been a dear friend fir 10 years and we’ve been only in a romantic relationship for 3 months. There’s been a lot of ups and downs Bc of his erratic behavior. He’s a beautiful man . I m just wondering if there’s any way to gel if he’s unwilling to take meds or stop using cannabis and if I can just live with the mania. I haven’t experienced the deporessive side yet though.... wondering if it’s easier to get the person to see they need help when the mania dissipates. Any reflections greatly appreciated. Mahalo


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