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Relationships

Who I Am Now

June 26, 2015
It’s amazing to me to think that on November 1st of this year my ex-husband and I will have been split for 9 yrs. I think about the person I was back then and it terrifies me. I was so unstable, unsure of myself and had no direction in life.  I was in a dark hole and spiraling out of control. Sometimes I think back and I want to say, “I still...
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Recently a friend asked me what to do about someone that he suspects has bipolar. It was not someone I knew and as he was back in his home country, I could only give some pointers over Facebook message. Firstly, I asked him to read up about the condition, especially how to recognise possible symptoms. That’s the easy part. The difficult part...
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My first heartbreak was in September, 1990 when the guy I was involved with informed me that although he really, really liked me, he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. This was the start of my severe depression and suicidal thoughts. The idea of not being with this guy threw me into a tailspin. He was my life. I could not breathe without...
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When you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it’s obvious that not only have you been going through a lot, but you’ll have a long road ahead when it comes to recovery. That’s tough enough as it is, but what about if you’re married? Your spouse has most likely gone through a lot, too. When I was first diagnosed, my husband, Sean, was sitting...
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"It’s not you, but..."I recently had this said to me by three people that I care about in the context of them asking to have some time by themselves to figure out their issues. I was able to give space much more easily for two of them compared to the third. The reason being I was much closer to the other person – he is my partner. ...
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Importance of Me

April 15, 2015
This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May.  I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call mainstream) and mildly depressed.  I know there is a lot of “good” going on,...
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Bipolar Attraction

March 25, 2015
“Bipolar (Disorder) people must have magnets to one another, because since I met you I have met all your friends and they all have Bipolar Disorder,” observes my partner.  So I do a quick search of the internet: A 2009 thread describes a similar phenomenon. In fact, most of the “evidence” I found was anecdotal (about 8 forums...
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Practicing self-care when it comes to Bipolar Disorder means that not only do I take my meds and see my doctor regularly, but also over the years I've learned a few "tricks" to help get me by. These are simple things that make my life, and the lives of the people in mine, much easier. My goal is to keep myself as stable as I can, with as few mood...
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I just watched A Beautiful Mind again and found the premise that love conquers all somewhat hyperbolic in the film (I kept thinking, “If you’d just take your meds…”).  But then I remembered my college English teacher, who said hyperbole usually contains a shred of truth that it is built on. So, I thought I would chronical my life and loves...
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You Are My Reason

February 17, 2015
Good evening readers, what a cold frigid night were having. But I’m thankful I am inside where it’s nice and warm. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and it’s a celebration of love, but it shouldn’t just be on this special day, but every day, we experience love in some form, whether it’s love between husband  and wife, between boyfriend and...
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Abandonment and Rejection

February 11, 2015
I woke up one day in 2011 in a 50 feet by 50 feet room lying on a mattress on the floor. One week had elapsed since I was consciously aware of where I was. My phone had gone off and I had not shown up for work or called any of my family members in a week. The only sign of what could have happened in that week was an empty bottle of vodka right...
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Around Christmas I got into an argument with my ex-husband, no big surprise there.  Communication has never been our strongest asset.  Anyway during the argument he said some things that really upset me and have really stayed with me.  He said, “Quit playing the victim and living off the system all the time and quit teaching your...
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