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‘Sometimes I just want to crawl under a rock. It seems as if that is the safest place; the hardness of the rock will protect me from what I don’t want to face and I don’t need to exert energy into doing anything anyone asks of me. I can escape to the darkness this rock shield provides and be alive in my own world without a care.’ If you are...
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This is part three of a three part series: Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have Bipolar Part Two: From Pregnant to Mommy The next hurdle was returning to work. I’ve been back to work for almost 6 months now, and was quite surprised with myself that the transition went very well. It turns out that I am the kind of mom who...
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We're All Human

October 22, 2014
This week my old friend really wanted to meet up with me. I just had a very deep depression episode and now I’m trying to go back to society. I’m looking for a new job, doing things which I used to love and doing as much as possible to feel good. And stay out of trouble of course. She knew about my problems but we haven’t been in touch lately. In...
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I do sometimes wonder whether to share my emotions with my partner. On the one hand, he wants to know my thoughts and feelings – there would be no real intimacy in a relationship if we didn’t share on a deeper level. On the other hand, being open does put me in a vulnerable place. As mentioned in an earlier post, I can feel judged when he...
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Genetic Overload!

October 15, 2014
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder over ten years ago. At the time, I wasn’t aware of any genetic component as I was an adopted child. Within my adopted family, there was a high incidence of alcoholism on my maternal mothers side, with most of her siblings having alcohol difficulties whilst her own mother and two of her siblings had suffered or...
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My Emotions Are Not Me

September 19, 2014
Being in a relationship with someone is both rewarding and frightening. There have been times during my 9-month-old relationship that I wonder how he is able to handle the intensity of my emotions. I remember one night, after we took our night walk, I was sitting in McDonalds and I started to sob uncontrollably. He didn’t seem fazed at all,...
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My Emotional Roller Coaster

September 18, 2014
I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately.  I was feeling really anxious and depressed, so my psychiatrist upped my meds.  I then felt worse.  Crying every day.  Crying for no reason.  My parents came over one day while I was crying, and my daughter told them, “She’s been crying a lot lately.”  I don’t want my...
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A Garden Full of Flowers

September 17, 2014
What is the one thing that you love? What is the one thing that you hate? ‘Thing’ has so many definitions and in a broad sense covers the spectrum of anything and everything – no matter how minute, ‘it’ holds great significance. There are positives and negatives everywhere, but incorporating both is what makes for a wonderful life.There is a yin...
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This is part one of a three part series: Part Two: From Pregnant to Mommy Part Three: Returning to Work Before I was pregnant someone said to me that I shouldn’t have kids because I have bipolar. This person said I might not be a good mom because I could possibly go manic or depressed at some point. This person said I would not be...
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A Great Divide

August 8, 2014

Dyane Harwood

Lately I’ve been wondering about friendship, including what I can realistically offer as a friend now.  To be honest, I don’t have that much to give this summer.  It has only been a year since my last hospitalization for bipolar depression.   I’ve had multiple hospitalizations for bipolar disorder since I was diagnosed in 2007...
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Tough Decisions!

August 2, 2014

Henrietta Ross

When I was a child, I always imagined myself living in the country when I was an adult. Living off the grid in a small cottage in the woods, completely self-sustainable surrounded by beautiful rolling hills and lush green fields and keeping a goat for company. As it turned out, as an adult that dream hasn’t come to fruition. Instead, I have...
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Dyane L. Harwood

I had great aspirations to write a high-quality bipolar-themed blog post last weekend.  I envisioned typing a few paragraphs filled with a pearl of wisdom or two that I’ve learned since I started recovering from bipolar depression.It ain't gonna happen.  I've given up.  I realized that I need a levity break.  Summer is in the...
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