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 We've all heard it before, or something similar, "This too shall pass". "Just puts your big girl panties on". "You've been here before, you can do it again". While our loved ones mean well, in the throes of depression, these are sometimes the absolute worst things to say to someone living in what seems to be the depths of doom....

Hey Jealousy

November 19, 2014
I have a friend who is an expert in her field. She is respected by the community and gives presentations from her knowledge base. She is also a talented artist and sells her painted wineglasses at many gift stores in the area. She plays the piano at her church every Sunday. She travels with her husband and two kids and they hike and camp regularly...

The Down Side of Up and Down

November 18, 2014
My short but disastrous history of relationships and friendships,  probably lend credence to the argument that it is next to impossible to live with a Bipolar 1 sufferer, with an lavish, lashing of PSTD, just to add a little extra spice. Personally, I fear that people (especially when enamoured) are too quick to make commitments or...

Why I Save My Dad's Voicemails

November 12, 2014
 I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while, but I kept putting it off.  It wasn't that I didn't want to do it, but more and more I found myself easily distracted. (Thank you social media!  I'm blaming you!) ;) I realized that the most inspiring time to reminisce would fall close to Halloween, my favorite day...
Talk therapy is a big part of my treatment plan.  I can’t go without it.  I know medication is a necessity for me, but I need my therapist.  I need cognitive behavioral techniques, and I need coping skills.  It’s a struggle for me to simply function some days.  Lots of days. Every time I leave my therapist, I feel so...

Hinges of Marriage

November 11, 2014
“We don’t have anything in common” my friend lamented, “sometimes I wonder why we even stay together.” As I listened I absently glanced at our white patio doors with it’s 3 hinges. “Well” I shared with sudden inspiration “it only takes three hinges to hold a door open.” I then shared the hinges needed in the marriage of one of my...

Out of the Dark

November 4, 2014
Mental Health Awareness Week occurred from October 5-11 and on October 11 I participated in one of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s ‘Out of the Darkness Walks’ in Northern California. I was planning to go alone because I had attempted to persuade friends and family to join me, but I got the same response, ‘Susanna that is too...
‘Sometimes I just want to crawl under a rock. It seems as if that is the safest place; the hardness of the rock will protect me from what I don’t want to face and I don’t need to exert energy into doing anything anyone asks of me. I can escape to the darkness this rock shield provides and be alive in my own world without a care.’ If you are...
This is part three of a three part series: Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have Bipolar Part Two: From Pregnant to Mommy The next hurdle was returning to work. I’ve been back to work for almost 6 months now, and was quite surprised with myself that the transition went very well. It turns out that I am the kind of mom who...

We're All Human

October 22, 2014
This week my old friend really wanted to meet up with me. I just had a very deep depression episode and now I’m trying to go back to society. I’m looking for a new job, doing things which I used to love and doing as much as possible to feel good. And stay out of trouble of course. She knew about my problems but we haven’t been in touch lately. In...
I do sometimes wonder whether to share my emotions with my partner. On the one hand, he wants to know my thoughts and feelings – there would be no real intimacy in a relationship if we didn’t share on a deeper level. On the other hand, being open does put me in a vulnerable place. As mentioned in an earlier post, I can feel judged when he...

Genetic Overload!

October 15, 2014
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder over ten years ago. At the time, I wasn’t aware of any genetic component as I was an adopted child. Within my adopted family, there was a high incidence of alcoholism on my maternal mothers side, with most of her siblings having alcohol difficulties whilst her own mother and two of her siblings had suffered or...