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A New Normal

I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. 

I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. 

So, why then, do I feel so miserable? 

The problem with attaining stability after being unstable for so many years is that you are faced with many questions. 

What now? 

Learning to Be Stable

What is ‘stable’? After 6 years of constant ups and downs I wouldn’t know what euthymia was like if it slapped me in the face. 

I was diagnosed with unipolar depression when I was 20 and up until 22 (when I was re-diagnosed with bipolar), I thought I had been cycling in and out of depression and euthymia on a yearly basis. 

When Stability Starts to Feel Like Boredom

A little backstory: I was diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder in January and started taking medication then. I am still on the original medication I started with, because it seems to work well for me, and have since added a second medication to the mix to help keep me even more stable. I have experienced one depressive episode since my diagnosis due to forgetting to pack my meds when I went on a weekend trip. But other than that brief hiccup in the spring, I have been more stable for the past ten months than I have been in a very long time. 

Regaining Stability

The latest that has been going on with me is the tumultuous depression that has spiked in my life due to our (my husband and myself) living situation. I am thirty-one years old. My husband is twenty-eight. We are living in the basement of my parents’ home.