I am scared. Truly, I am frightened by the thought of my disease. At times it completely surrounds every part of my being. The depths of my heart scream out for help, just looking for the right moment to let go. I am wondering if this will ever go away. Do I have to live with this pain and encumberance forever? What happens if I really do go...
You are here
January 17, 2012
To be clear, I don’t agree with the victim mentality and it’s not my standard default. When I blame others for my troubles, I’m not taking responsibility for my life and my choices. I always look for my part in any negative, or what I perceive as a negative, experience. I'm very rarely a victim. Unless I'm blindsided or assaulted in my adult life...
December 20, 2011
Not on the level of schizophrenia or DID by any means. He's not hearing voices and it's still him when these things happen but it's not really "him." It's almost like there are 2 versions of my son. That may be the whole point of this blog today but the title... well that's what I like to call what pretty much any parent of a bipolar child suffers...
October 14, 2011
Jake just turned 12. He lives with me full time and spends time with his dad on the weekends and most holidays. He was a very happy and easy baby and hit all of his developmental milestones early or on time. During his toddler years, we hit the terrible 2's and I guess that's where things started to get noticed. He never grew out of them. After...
I destroyed my first marriage through infidelity, wild spending sprees, outbursts of rage, and many of the other hallmarks of uncontrolled bipolar mania. People who know the ugly details of my story are often surprised to learn that my second marriage is so successful and solid. How can my spouse trust me? How can I trust myself?In my other life I...
August 15, 2011
I'm racing out the door with my work bag slung over my shoulder, a glass of water in one hand, and my handful of morning medications in the other. Anti-depressant? Check. Mood stabilizer? Check. Adderall? Check. Anti-anxiety? Check. I gulp them down with the water and race to the bus stop. It's 7:45 am and I'm running late for work. On the walk/...
July 14, 2011
When I woke up that morning in hospital, ten years ago, she stood there. The psychologist I started to see about three months prior to becoming manic for the first time. I went to see her, because deep inside myself it felt as if something was “not right”, but neither of us had any idea I has bipolar.“Please help me, don’t leave me”, I said.“I won...
June 4, 2009
Putting baby locks on the kitchen cabinets to protect her toddler was one thing, but locking away the steak knives from her seven year old was not what Muffy Walker ever imagined would be necessary. Walker also never imagined she would need to use her skills as a psychiatric nurse on her own child.When Walker’s youngest son Courtland turned four,...