This week my old friend really wanted to meet up with me. I just had a very deep depression episode and now I’m trying to go back to society. I’m looking for a new job, doing things which I used to love and doing as much as possible to feel good. And stay out of trouble of course. She knew about my problems but we haven’t been in touch lately. In her text messages I’ve felt some anger which I don’t like and try to avoid. I try not to argue with anyone and focus on the positive right now. I finally texted her about what happened through the last months and my depression of course.
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I'm here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn't believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated.
I was apologizing constantly. I even talked about it in therapy. Even though they had both forgiven me time and time again, I couldn't get past the guilt. I felt like I had turned into a monster in the past. It didn't matter how many times my therapist, my husband, and my mother told me not to feel guilty, it didn't seem to register with me.