Everyone deals with anxiety at some point in their lives. When you’re getting ready to argue or fight, it is that exact emotion that causes your hands to shake. It can cause you to start to feel warm or even for you to start sweating a little. Those are our bodies’ natural reactions to anxiety.
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A month ago it was just another Tuesday morning: wake up, shower and dress, drink some coffee, then leave my husband and puppy at home to drive 45min to my doctor’s appointment. It felt like the same as before: go in for 45 min, talk, get refill prescriptions if I need to, and then go home, but – not this time. I walked into my doctor’s feeling okay. I knew I needed to talk about the arguments between my husband and myself, but I knew it was all my fault. See, I was ready to admit all my faults, but I knew something was wrong and was scared of what would happen.
I read a study once that stated the incidence of obsessive-compulsive disorder was 10-fold greater in bipolar patients than the general population (see more at: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/bipolar-disorder/anxious-bipolar-patient#sthash.RRY1nBjh.dpuf). This made me take pause and observe my own obsessive-compulsive thinking, as I have bipolar I.
To be clear, I don’t agree with the victim mentality and it’s not my standard default. When I blame others for my troubles, I’m not taking responsibility for my life and my choices. I always look for my part in any negative, or what I perceive as a negative, experience. I'm very rarely a victim. Unless I'm blindsided or assaulted in my adult life, I'm a volunteer.