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Depression

Taming My Mental Illness

June 22, 2015
Quite a while ago I was told that during spring and summer I would most likely be controlling underlying mania and during winter I would be fighting depression. This is because medication doesn’t work very well for me, my moods are very seasonal and I have the type of bipolar that would make me constantly unwell if I didn’t control it. This is...
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Who Do You Support?

June 22, 2015
In the past week I had an in-depth conversation about bipolar disorder with a friend of mine who knows very little about it. I appreciated her honesty and being open to learn about something that has been a big part of my life. One question that she asked me really stuck out. “What assisted you the most in getting out of depression?” ...
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through the depression. I felt, without a body, something in agony  or maybe a body without a soul, stiff and too heavy to pull from the bed.  Yes – an obese body, my own flesh and grief, too heavy for my body to lift. There is no other way to tell you: I woke up afraid I was going to live.  ...
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Be Not Afraid

May 21, 2015
I had been out of work for five years and then four months ago, I began working part time.  The job completely drained me and so I quit Thursday a week ago. I couldn’t believe how relieved I was afterwards.  Then Friday came; I began second-guessing myself and worrying about what was going to happen. I became afraid. Because of the...
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Upsides to Being Down

May 18, 2015
Paradoxically, I’ve found newfound perspectives of patience, humor, and focus borne of depression itself that have strengthened my resolve to survive and recover.   I’m hoping that through this blog, you can grab onto a positive idea to bridge whatever mental health gap you may be facing.   I can’t speak for all of us, but like a line...
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Long Way Down

May 13, 2015
‘It feels like a long way down.’ Yes it certainly does. The crashing fall from the highest peaks of manic elation to the deepest depths of despairing depression is devastating. My mood swings are like clockwork and for the past few years I would become gradually more elevated from October until my mania would peak in February/March. May would...
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The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More and more severe depression. Suicidal tendencies followed by a suicide attempt....
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I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind post-discharge, and is centred round my thinking of being worthy of being called a...
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The Lyrical Caregiver

April 16, 2015
"Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life"- Berthold AuerbachGrowing up, music was a big part of my household. Not that any of us played musical instruments but just, enjoying it. Dancing around the house. Singing at the top of our lungs. We all had different tastes in music. So the house was filled with different genres. Let’s...
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Hope

April 6, 2015
I have been battling a depressive episode for the last two months. We fool around with my medications but I haven't felt like myself in about five months. Three days ago I posted a photo on my Instagram account about recovery and thought a quote about recovery would be a good addition. The quote I found was by Diriye Osman and the last sentence...
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Diary of a Mood Swing

March 24, 2015
2/25/15 Mania.  I am manic as hell right now.  I can’t sit still.  Nothing is enough. It’s insatiable.  I smoke too much, want sex too much, shop too much.  And it’s never enough. Never.  I have to keep going, keep seeking out pleasure, and it’s like it’s not even my decision.  It’s like it’s happening to me...
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One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebel’s Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per state, see the links below to find one near you. Mindfulness, OA, NAMI...
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