Talk therapy is a big part of my treatment plan. I can’t go without it. I know medication is a necessity for me, but I need my therapist. I need cognitive behavioral techniques, and I need coping skills. It’s a struggle for me to simply function some days. Lots of days. Every time I leave my therapist, I feel so...
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October 14, 2014
.and then unexpectedly there's calm, all I thought I knew about myself and the World becomes the fleeting thoughts of Man under siege from his own mind. The storm has passed for now. I have spent the better part of 3 years researching aspects of my condition that help me manage my symptoms and fully embrace the terminal aspect of having a...
October 8, 2014
I read a study once that stated the incidence of obsessive-compulsive disorder was 10-fold greater in bipolar patients than the general population (see more at: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/bipolar-disorder/anxious-bipolar-patient#sthash.RRY1nBjh.dpuf). This made me take pause and observe my own obsessive-compulsive thinking, as I have bipolar...
September 18, 2014
I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I was feeling really anxious and depressed, so my psychiatrist upped my meds. I then felt worse. Crying every day. Crying for no reason. My parents came over one day while I was crying, and my daughter told them, “She’s been crying a lot lately.” I don’t want my...
September 16, 2014
At my last appointment with my psychiatrist, she told me I have too much anxiety about having bipolar disorder. No kidding? I mean what's there to be anxious about? Being stuck in complete darkness with unspeakable pain that only those who have depression can understand? Or, flying so high you think you're invincible, have no rational thoughts in...
August 6, 2014
I'm here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn't believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated. I was apologizing constantly. I even talked about it in therapy. Even though they had both forgiven me time and...
April 21, 2014
As you may have noticed I haven’t been keeping up with my blog. Unfortunately I’ve been dealing with multiple hospitalizations for my bipolar disorder as well as my eating disorder. I was at John Hopkins from June-September 2013, and was at the Princeton Eating Disorder Unit in February of this year.I’ve decided to focus on the topic of co-...
May 29, 2012
It starts with a feeling of restlessness. I can’t sit still in one place too long. I try to listen to music. Read. Surf the Internet. Nothing catches my interest. The restlessness grows.Am I hungry?Am I thirsty?I try satiating both. Nothing helps.Now, I’m getting nervous, my heart beats faster. My eyes blink more, darting from here to there,...
January 17, 2012
To be clear, I don’t agree with the victim mentality and it’s not my standard default. When I blame others for my troubles, I’m not taking responsibility for my life and my choices. I always look for my part in any negative, or what I perceive as a negative, experience. I'm very rarely a victim. Unless I'm blindsided or assaulted in my adult life...