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Hope

I have been battling a depressive episode for the last two months. We fool around with my medications but I haven't felt like myself in about five months. Three days ago I posted a photo on my Instagram account about recovery and thought a quote about recovery would be a good addition. The quote I found was by Diriye Osman and the last sentence connected with me: 

"…I TOOK EVERY TRAUMATIC ELEMENT OF MY CONDITION AND CHANNELED IT INTO SOMETHING USEFUL." 

Group Therapy Provides Hope

I recently joined a bipolar support group. My doctor and therapist have been encouraging me for months to join the group. They believed it would help me "normalize" some of my feelings by being around others who might have the same experiences. 

I put off going to the group because 1) I was either too sick (manic or depressed) to feel like going or, 2) Feeling well again and not wanting to talk about or deal with this bipolar illness. 

But, after struggling though episode after episode, I decided to go and see what I could learn from others. 

Possibilities in the New Year

Often times, people are depressed after the holiday season for a variety of reasons, but the New Year brings with it new possibilities if we are open to them.  Every moment we are alive is a new moment so every moment brings a new possibility even though we may not be aware of it.  When we are depressed, it is hard to see possibilities.  I know this is true because I have spent a lot of time depressed. 

Hope

This month I want to talk to you about something that you've probably heard a lot about. It's about hope. When I was dealing with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder, I constantly felt hopeless. I would lose my temper, promise to do better afterwards, and then feel awful when I got angry again. It felt like a never ending cycle.

The Beginning - My Bipolar Life

Five years and five months ago I heard the word “bipolar” for the very first time.  Honestly, I did not know what it meant nor what it would come to mean to me and my life.  I learned pretty quickly that it meant I was very sick and that I was self-medicating an illness I had no idea I had and that unless I sought and accepted treatment, my life would not be as happy and productive as I had planned or dreamt it would be.  I also learned very quickly that bipolar disorder was not an “acceptable” illness to have … and soon found myself alone, deserted by my family, my friend

It Will Get Better

I hate myself right now. 

I hate myself every time I’m depressed.  I just started a new medication after gaining 9 pounds in a month on the previous med I tried, so I’m depressed about that on top of having general depression.  Since I’m starting over again on a new medication, I have to wait out the 4-6 weeks it can take for the medication’s full effect.  At least I’m able to get some thoughts down today.  All I’ve wanted to is sit around or lie around and exist.  I don’t even want to exist.  I don’t want to die, either, if that makes sense. 

Sparkle

 It's only a 4 letter word. It's a terrific motivator. It determines whether or not I think life is worth living. And if it's lacking it's awfully hard to move on with daily tasks. Yes I am talking about hope. It's funny how quickly my concept of hope changes. But today I am feeling overly optimistic.

I’m not Just Surviving, I’m living with Hope

        Good afternoon readers, I hope this entry finds you fighting to keep going. Because I truly believe with all my heart every precious life has such Value in this world, and I want to offer you as much encouragement as I possibly can, and reassure you that you are never alone in this struggle. Before I go on in my blog discussing the topics that I feel are truly important to get out in the open that helps us live healthy lives and managing our disorder to the best of our ability, before I go on I need to share my story of Hope, from where I was to where that journey has led me.

Feeling Honored

Three years ago when I started this blog, my intent was to help as many bipolar parents as I possibly could. I wanted to share my experiences and feelings in hopes that others may be able to use what I am going through to feel less alone and be able to cope just a little bit better. Never did I dream that a year later I would be writing a book Moorestorms A Guide for the Bipolar Parent and reaching even more parents.

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