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I Have Bipolar Disorder

My name is Doreen. My psychiatrist says I have bipolar disorder. Some people say I don't have bipolar disorder. Sometimes I believe them.

I have had one full psychotic break, one manic episode with milder psychotic symptoms, and one short-lived manic episode. I've had many serious bouts of depression, and even hypomanic symptoms. Some people still say that I don't have bipolar disorder. Here's why:

1. The psychotic break and the mania with mild psychosis both occurred three months postpartum. It must have been the hormones. I don't have bipolar disorder. Why #1 is not proof: Do we say that someone doesn't have heart disease because they went on a roller coaster? It must have been the roller coaster. They don't have heart disease.

2. Prior to my first psychotic break I was cyclothymic (alternating periods of milder highs and lows) starting with my tweens. Everyone has good and bad days. I don't have bipolar disorder. Why #2 is not proof: Though healthy people get periodically "down" they do not have regular alternating mood states that change their personality.

3. Every time I try to go off of medication I have an increase in irritability and moodiness. Those are just withdrawal effects. I don't have bipolar disorder. Why #3 is not proof: Before medication, I was often irritable and moody - that's part of cyclothymia.

4. I can be quite dependable with the right support. I'm a nice person. I don't have bipolar disorder. Why #4 is not proof: People with bipolar disorder can have a life outside of the disorder, especially if properly treated.

5. I'm indecisive and have a hard time finishing what I start. I change my mind so much that it makes me dizzy. That's because I'm a mom with kids. I don't have bipolar disorder. Why #5 is not proof: Becoming a parent does increase your workload, but it doesn't cause indecisiveness.

Some days it's really hard to accept my illness. I just want it to go away. I don’t want bipolar disorder.

Today there is one thing I know for sure: I'm not quitting my meds and I'm not quitting my commitment to live healthy.

My name is Doreen and I have bipolar disorder. 

Doreen Bench

www.postpartumbipolar.wordpress.com

Comments

I agree, sometimes I dont agree with my diagnosis of bipolar disorder but since I did have a psychotic episode I do not want to risk coming off the meds and having it happen again. I do see that im moody and I've always been but compared to most people with bipolar disorder I dont come close to what they go through. Anyways stay strong and do what you have to do to live a healthy life

Nice to get to know you & I enjoyed your 1st blog. It is interesting how people that don't have Bipolar think that we don't have Bipolar. I commend you on making a strong stand that you are not quitting your meds and not quitting your commitment to live healthy. Until I made that commitment my life was a mess....I am not saying it's perfect, but a lot better. Thank you for sharing & good luck

Congratulations Doreen on your first blog. It was very concise n insightful. I very much enjoyed reading it. You are an inspiration!

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