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Mania, Anger, and Guilt

Mania is a very tough subject for me. When I’d go through the manic episodes it was very painful. I’ll admit, after I dealt with it in therapy, I just wanted to forget about it, but I know that’s not right for our readers. So, here goes… 

I deal with mania a lot. When I would get angry, anything would and could set me off. When I would get set off, it was very difficult for me to come back down to a normal state of mind. It was almost like an out of body experience. I could almost see myself getting angry and would be thinking, “Why won’t you calm down?” It was heartbreaking. 

To this day, I have moments where I feel terrible for what I put my mom and husband through. The two of them have forgiven me and they say that I didn’t choose to have this illness. I know that they’re 100% correct, but it’s still hard at times to remind yourself of that when it’s going to be forever a part of your past. 

What does that say to the rest of you, though? That you should feel guilty, too? No! If I’m saying that I should feel guilty about the mania, then I’m basically saying that others should too. That is not the message that I want to be giving out. No one should be living with that kind of guilt, myself included. 

Besides therapy, medication has helped me as well. I worked hard with my doctor to figure out what medications would work and what wouldn’t. I remember being in his office for the first time with tears in my eyes asking my husband and mother, “Am I going to be OK?” They reassured me that I would be. You know what? They were right. 

You are not bad for having manic episodes. I know how they feel and they’re not just emotionally painful, but physically painful as well. I just ask that you please find a way to manage them. We all do it in different ways. I have several different methods besides going to the doctor and medication. I also have my faith in God and Jesus, talk to my husband and mom, write and do other things as well. I encourage you to not limit yourself. Go out there and find ways to heal. You deserve a happy life. 

Sarah regularly blogs for IBPF and has done some YouTube Videos for their channel. She now writes on a regular basis for the Dallas Morning Post as well. 

Comments

I needed to read this today. My 8 year old son is newly diagnosed with bipolar and awaiting his psychiatrist appointment. This week he has been manic, and not like I have ever seen with his past episodes. He has started putting his hands on kids at school (his safe zone, he has less issues there). We constantly try to redirect his anger. It's going to be a journey, but I have hope!!

There is hope for you all, being diagnosed at such a young age will mean the doctors know he needs help. Be it meds or at his young age maybe CBT or talking therapy. Either way, he and you all as a family will work through it together xxxxx

What is CBT? My grandson is also 8 and has been on meds for three years and not much help.

I been manic for many years dealing with the anger as well and ive been through relationships where no one understood me its nice that you have that support being manic obviously doesn't mean your bad its a illness that sometimes hard to control but luckily having medication and therapy that's good too. I am just getting off a 4 day manic spree and now medicated differantly but sleeping is very hard to do still.

Guilty? I am the queen of guilt on this rollercoaster ride.

My mom was diagnosed when i was 18. Reading this shows hope. Its been 11 years. My father was the one who was with her until he died 2 years ago. Now I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. She gets angry at small things. I tried to live with the her, I have a preshool daughter at that time. She had her episodes and hated,almost physically hurt my daughter's nanny, I just stopped her. I cant have her take care of my daughter coz she says things to her. Its hard because she does not want to take her meds regularly. She want to live with the me again but, she is still in denial of her illness.

She now lives at their family home and we visit her. But still, it's not enough. I don't know what to do.

We found a NAMI support group and free educational classes. National association for mental illness. This is a great resource and know that you are not alone!

I just had a manic episode and not only mentally hurt myself but physically as well. I had to be restrained after police took me down. I was completely out of control. I spent 3 days in hospital and 3 days in the psyc ward. My mother and son have been really great to me but the guilt lingers on. I'm having a rough day today and have spent 18 hours in bed, mostly asleep becsuse I don't want to deal with myself, the anger and the guilt. Medications are an issue for me as well so I've stopped taking what they gave me in the psyc ward. Trying to see a doctor for this is next to impossible because I'm poor and on medi-cal. I'm really having a difficult time these days.

Try cbt it has helped me tremendously. I searched everything online and found videos on YouTube to educate myself. You have to now what your up against to have an upper hand. I also am low income but the main things that help me are CBT, DBT, meditation, and pot.

I have a friends, one is bipolar and the other is a spouse. I've supported, watch and accepted their lives with one another and how their marriage for 19 years turns upside down because of the outrage of the bipolar.

How does one who lives with a person with bipolar deal with this manic outrage? I know stop, observe, listen, understand the pattern but how do you help prevent a rational decision of the bipolar. How can you help the person with this outrage and the spouse who can not go through this any longer? It's destroying to all parties involved.

T

I see my son struggling w anger.I am the only one who can understand his struggles.I feel guilty at times,our children do not ask to inherit our mental health genes.

I recently was given mirtazapine for depression . Unfortunately it sent me very high as in very irritable and argumentative and horrid to be with.I know I am not responsible but I feel deeply ashamed of my behaviour. I must choose to forgive myself remind my self I was not responsible for my actions. I have apologised to those I was rude to. I pray to God and ask his forgiveness I know I need to be kind to me and forgive myself. Set my self free and move on x

As of right now I have been going through town of manic episodes the hardest part is that I go to therapy I have taken different meditation classes I am on meds I try and try and try again ppl around me act like I fake having this illness it is nothing to mess around with at all they think it's an excuse I sometimes wish that was the case too bad it isn't and all I feel is hatred to myself all the time feeling useless and selfish all the time because of this illness it's nothing to mess around with especially when you also have ptsd and your also skitso to go with all of that........

I have been with my wife 10 yes and it seems like two because she has ran away so much and she always blamining for things she does but saying I'm doing I dont know how much I can take but I love my wife

I was irritable and eventually angry taking out my guilt and self shame on my best friend who eventually said she needed a break from me. I know that what I have said is inexcusable and not acceptable. I'm still learning about myself and how to handle my anger. Hopefully, we'll be able to remain friends, but am not sure. Anger and outbursts can truly destroy close friendships.

Things are getting out of hand and I just went through an episode that made neighbors call the cops on my boyfriend and I and the cops told an ambulance to take me to the hospital because I somehow messed up my foot. I usually can somewhat control myself but sometimes I can't and it seems so hard to get back on track after you start slipping up. My boyfriend has been great today he knows how much I love him but just says I need to work on my anger....cant blame him on that. But my guilt and self esteem has been so bad, I've lost weight that I can lose in past couple months, spent most of my day crying and just not wanting to move. Him and my siblings and mom spent the day trying to just get me to move and talk. I just don't know says to help other than meds and I don't want to rely on meds.

We are sorry to hear about what you're going through and we are concerned about you. If you are in crisis, please call the Crisis Hotline or Text Line which you can access by calling 1-800-273-8255 or texting START to 741-741 as we are not a crisis center. If you are not in crisis and want to talk to someone online, we recommend the website www.7cups.com. It's a free, anonymous chat with a trained listener. 

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