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Silent Madness

Natalie McKinnon

  This poem I wrote about bipolar. I wrote it to express how I felt years ago when my bipolar was at its worst. I hope this poem inspires you and speaks to the core of which you are, I know there are many who can relate. There is always Hope~

 

                                                              “   Silent Madness”

     I sat in my room in complete silence, not a word was heard. I was alone in my own tangled thoughts.

No one could see into the window of my soul, I hid my pain and I hid it well. It was buried deep within; I kept a wall up so the world could not get in I. felt like screaming, can you hear the cries of this desperate soul? Can you see my tears as they fall from my eyes onto my pillow?

    Can you hear my silent screams? Though they go unnoticed I cry out … I need help, can you hear me now? You choose to not hear, you turned away from my pain, my anguish, the madness. Your rejection, the coldness of your demeanor isolates me all the more. All I wanted was a friend who would say I understand, all I wanted was love, all I need is someone to take me into their arms to say the words ive longed to hear, can you love me for who iam and all my perfect imperfections?

   I felt like I was going mad. I felt like I was the only one fighting for me, fighting to see a new day.

In silence I suffered, it’s in the darkness I wander, searching for the glimpse of light to shine into my life. It’s my pain, my story, my life, my reality.

It took awhile for me to see, for me to believe, but I know now there are those who understand, who will take the time and take me by the hand to listen to my inner pain. We can’t hide behind our mask of despair, we can’t hide away forever. I will not hide behind a painted smile no more. I will not suffer alone in silence, not one more day alone.

 

      I ‘am no longer confined to the inner turmoil in my mind. My silence is not madness, my silence was fear, fear of rejection and of the unknown. Not no more, the barrier has been broken, depression can’t be silent, and silence sets us apart from the world we live in, from a life we all deserve. So step out from your dark shadows, show the world that you are and what you have to offer. Lift your eyes upward, there is hope and the light has returned to my once dimmed eyes. The end~

Comments

Just read the Silent Madness, I loved it, it hit home for me. I have struggled with bipolar most of my life and im 57 now. It really is so true about hiding inside yourself for so long. Im on medication now for the past 6 years and haven't felt this great in a long time. We need more awareness on bipolar disorder, please keep websites like this going.

Thank you for the inputon my poem. Thank you. My email is nataliemacangel@gmail.com if you need a listening ear.

Thank you Natalie. This made me cry. I am 44 diagnosed (bipolar affective disorder type 2 rapid cycling) about 5 months ago misdiagnosed for a very long time. This made me cry. Because secretly I know this pain and hear my silent screams of dispair even during mania episodes. Thank you again. It's always a relief to know that you're not alone xx

BELONG

I don’t belong here, staring out through the crowd,
And the spotlight shines upon me with colors way too loud,
I wonder what they see when they look down at me,
But I am the one onstage, looking up is how it should be,
Heads always turn away when I ask for one chance,
And I am left, wading in tears of tragic circumstance,
No, I don’t belong here for everyone’s eyes to view,
No, I don’t belong here when my world has gone askew,
I need to escape stage left and find somewhere I belong,
To a mythic land where my rights aren’t considered wrong,
A place for me to stand and once again get to breathe,
To people who shall accept me and never will up and leave,
Do you know the hurt to never be allowed in another’s heart?
I don’t belong here and sadly I never did from the start…

-brad

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