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Nanieve Groenewald

I Am So Much More Than My Label

In a previous blog, I referred to my Bipolar and PTSD as my dragon, something only I can tame and ride. 

When you are labeled with a mental illness, the stigma associated with it can become debilitating.  It is as if you somehow become weaker by association, somehow less of a responsible, independent adult. 

I found that all those aspects of my personality that made me unique or quirky were no longer seen as aspects of my individuality, but rather as manifestations of my Bipolar or PSTD. 

I Choose Life

I am just going to come out and say it.  

I, Nanieve, am relieved that I can finally rip down the gaudy Christmas baubles, fold up the tree, and wipe the stupid but, expected cheerful grin off my face. 

To me, the festive season feels unbearably stressful.  Everything feels contrived. 

The Down Side of Up and Down

My short but disastrous history of relationships and friendships,  probably lend credence to the argument that it is next to impossible to live with a Bipolar 1 sufferer, with an lavish, lashing of PSTD, just to add a little extra spice. 

Personally, I fear that people (especially when enamoured) are too quick to make commitments or promises before they realise the often disastrous repercussions of what it is they are agreeing to. 

Two Poems: South Africa and Bag of Skin

South Africa 

The sad bigotry,
Like stalactites,
Cold fingers, 
Paw at the caverns of my mind 

reminitions of my past, 
Await me, 
In cochineal cloaks, 
Those ghosts of yesterday 
To feed again,  
Extinguish the lights of my horizons 

I yearn to remove this cancerous growth  
Within my people, 
To lull their cynicism
Into perpetual sleep,
to subdue blaring headlines
And to reroute the meandering,  blundering
course,  of my history

Taming My Dragon

My name is Nanieve and my journey with Bipolar 1 Disorder started around the age of twelve. I was also diagnosed with PTSD about two years ago. I am unable to look upon it as a curse, preferring to see it as a blessing. My phoenix wings if you like, my manias have allowed me to rise above the mundane and to achieve creative ecstasy I would exchange for nothing on earth.

I prefer to look upon my Bipolar Disorder as a challenge, rather a "dragon" that is mine to ride and master. I alone can direct its course. I alone can steer it in a positive direction.

Nanieve Groenewald

I am 45 years old and was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder when I was 12.  About 2 years ago I was also diagnosed with PSTD after my partner of years tried to murder me (almost succeeded and nearly died). I went through the court case and am rather proud of myself (blush) for having done so. I have done a little motivational speaking with regards to domestic violence and coping with bipolar.
I see a psychiatrist regularly, am on meds and also see a psychologist once a month.