I hate everything about mornings. Especially the waking up part. Also not a fan of birds chirping. Or sunshine. I’m not sure why I’m this way. I just tend to perk up at night, say around 7 p.m. That’s when I usually get a burst of energy and the desire to do something. I don’t know if this is part of the disorder, if anyone else feels this way? Or if I’m just nocturnal?
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I went to my psychiatrist Friday for a follow-up from my initial visit a month ago. I’d had high hopes with the Wellbutrin/anxiety pill prescription combo. I felt better…happy…for a couple weeks. Then, depression set in. Like the can’t-get-out-of-bed variety. It sucked. I was hoping I’d found my miracle drug. So at my appointment Friday, I told the pretty, young nurse or whatever she is (I didn’t even see the psychiatrist) about my symptoms and started crying for some reason. I think it’s just that I’m so tired. I’m tired of looking. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of feeling like this.
In the words of Sheryl Crow, I can’t cry anymore.
At least, not for now. Please. I’m exhausted. Crying is draining, although it feels strangely good at the same time. Some of it has to do with “being a girl,” but more of it has to do with other stuff – medication stuff – which I hope gets resolved quickly, as I went to the doctor today and left equipped with a new game plan.