It's January and this is the month that we hear all about health. We start seeing more health and diet topics in magazines and healthy food goes on sale more. I don't mean to sound like Mrs. Goody-Goody, but I love all this. That's because I used to be VERY unhealthy.
When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I not only took medicine that made me hungrier, but I turned to food for comfort as well. Unhealthy food took a toll on my body. I gained so much weight.
I wanted to start off this month's blog by saying that I'm so thankful that I live in a society where I can both be honest about my mental illness and reach out to others. I know that we used to live in a time where you pretty much couldn't talk about any mental illness, but now there are so many people fighting the stigma.
I am proud to say that the reactions I've gotten have been 99% positive when I've told them that I have bipolar disorder. Yes, I did have one person who reacted in a closed minded way, but I don't need people like that in my life.
Do you have a hobby? I don't know if you do, but if you don't, then you might want to think about getting one. When I first told a good friend of mine that I have bipolar disorder, she recommended that I find a good hobby. She was right!
I'll admit, it was hard at first. Between getting my medications adjusted and my therapy appointments worked in, finding a hobby kind of took a backseat. But, as I got further into my recovery, I realized that I wanted to explore my creativity.
I want to talk to you all about something that I experienced very intensely when I first started taking medication. What happened was I felt a very strong dull feeling inside. I was no longer feeling the lows, but I was also no longer feeling the highs either. So, I was just left with a sort of bored feeling constantly.
This month I want to talk to you about something that you've probably heard a lot about. It's about hope. When I was dealing with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder, I constantly felt hopeless. I would lose my temper, promise to do better afterwards, and then feel awful when I got angry again. It felt like a never ending cycle.
I'm here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn't believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated.
I was apologizing constantly. I even talked about it in therapy. Even though they had both forgiven me time and time again, I couldn't get past the guilt. I felt like I had turned into a monster in the past. It didn't matter how many times my therapist, my husband, and my mother told me not to feel guilty, it didn't seem to register with me.
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Sarah and I'm twenty-seven. As you've seen in my bio, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was twenty-two, but I had been struggling with it since I was twenty.
Sarah DeArmond lives in Calera, Alabama and has been married to the love of her life, Sean, since January 31st, 2009. Sarah was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was twenty-two, just a few months after she got married. Sarah has been working hard ever since to treat her disorder. She has had one-hundred percent support from her husband, mother, and her Savior.