I saw a new psychiatrist recently. He is wonderful. Also, I’ve been officially diagnosed as bipolar II. I suspected as much, but never had specific confirmation. I’ve been feeling much better on my new medication, so I have hope. There are still a few side effects, though, so we’ll see if this is what will work long-term.

I’ve started a bipolar/depression support group, and it’s been amazing to meet others like me who can relate and empathize with what’s made me feel like a freak for so long. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

I was thinking the other day; I really don’t know what a “normal” person feels like. I only know my own specific experience, and that’s normal to me. I wonder if once I do get on the right medication, will I then feel the way most people feel? And will that diminish any of who I am? But who am I without this disorder? Isn’t it a part of me?
I’ve just been feeling so blah or “down” lately, up until this appointment and changes made to my prescription, that I’d forgotten for a while what happiness feels like. It’s good to feel it again.

I still have anxiety issues, and I’m assuming I always will…sometimes that’s more debilitating than the depression…and my doctor wants to wean me off the anxiety meds I’m currently on. I don’t take them every day…but, man, they do come in handy.

I have hope for the future, though, and that’s something I haven’t had in a while. I might be finding some medicine that actually works.

Now to focus on a real problem, the cognitive aspect. I wish I could stop my brain from working overtime. And overtime tends to lead (okay, always leads) to negative thinking, self-hatred, guilt…you know, all the fun stuff. It’s like a party in my brain! And Eeyore is the only guest.

At least when I start to zone in on my detrimental thought patterns, I’ll hopefully have new medicine in place that is 
doing its proper job.

Thank you, New Psychiatrist.