First of all, I just want to say I am excited about making my first official post for the International Bipolar Foundation. I never thought the need for an outlet would bring me here. It means a lot to me to have this opportunity.
I have Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar II to be exact; with rapid cycling (yay). I also battle with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I was diagnosed with these disorders in March 2014 so I haven’t been in the game very long. What I have learned about myself in this time however has been amazing. I am ready to face my life as not someone who is mentally ill but as someone who is mentally ready to face whatever comes my way.
Before being diagnosed, I was, for lack of a better term, a mess. I knew something was wrong with me and I took plenty of online quizzes that told me something was wrong with me, so of course, something had to be wrong with me.
It wasn’t until I turned the wonderful age of 30 that things in my life would take a meaningful turn. It was at this time, I realized I was in love. I had found the perfect person for me annnnd I was screwing things up. Big time.
My relationship was on the verge of slipping away and I was the reason for it. My rage episodes. The ups never being long enough to create stability. I thought this was all normal. That this was just me and people were just going to have to learn to accept it. Until, one day I decided that ending my life was the answer. Yeah, things definitely changed then.
It was at this time that I put myself in check and with the help of my fiance, I took myself to see a doctor. I felt relieved. I finally did it! I finally took this step. I’m so tired. Things are going to be OK now.
It was a rough start. Doctor changes, medication changes. Not what I signed up for at all but as the dust started to settle, I noticed that I wasn’t really worrying constantly anymore. I wasn’t raging over something petty. I was making…could it be? Progress.
I realized despite the progress I was making, I still had my setbacks and sometimes those setbacks were really draining. I needed an outlet to help generate positive energy. I decided blogging about mental health would be therapeutic. That eventually lead me here. I have met and related to so many people since I started to write about something so important to me.
I hope If you’re reading this and you’re just starting out with this “mental illness thing” or even if you’ve been to this rodeo more than once, reaching out to each other is the best thing we can do as a community, as a society and as decent human beings. The ignorance and stigma attached to mental illness is still strong. By reaching out to each other and educating each other, we can make a difference.
When I started my blog I figured a lot of what I have to say would just fall on deaf ears but I have learned that is not true. There really is power in numbers and I can’t wait to write my next post. I can’t wait to connect! Our words mean something. I for one, want to keep talking.
Take Care, 🙂
Cavelle
