Author: Matthew Palmieri
When symptomatic, bipolar illness can be all consuming.
During manic episodes, I have overwhelming feelings of euphoria, grandiosity and extreme irritability.
When I’m depressed, it feels like my life is over and I’ll never get out of whatever rut I happen to be in.
When these symptoms first started developing in my late 20’s, I was convinced my experience was solely mine.
Thankfully, in time, I learned that my symptoms are often universal to the bipolar experience.
With exposure to support groups, particularly online, I realized there are many people from all over the globe who go through a lot of the same things I do.
In hearing how bipolar has impacted all different kinds of demographics, I’ve developed a kind of empathy for not only survivors of bipolar, but also those impacted by other forms of mental illness as well.
This could be someone on the streets or even neighbors, friends, family, and coworkers who live in a kind of denial about the severity of their illness and the subsequent impact it can have on those close by.
When I see someone clearly suffering from mental illness, I used to think, ‘Without a support group, that could be me.’
Now I know, that is me.
Access to Medication
Having lived in different states across the country, my coverage can often depend on the state’s outlook on mental health.
Living in California has provided me different access to medication and treatment than living in Tennessee.
In the past, as I’ve gone through the ups and downs of my illness, I’d let my health care coverage lapse, going on and off medication, convincing myself at times that I didn’t need it.
There were many years where I felt all alone. My feelings were alien even to me because I didn’t consider my behavior through the lens of my illness.
Getting back on my own two feet, which is never a question for me, means I have to take a look at what access to health care I may have. I now utilize all the resources available to me.
Knowing that many others worldwide do not have access to the kind of care I do gives me gratitude.
I remember how hard it was for me to have the support I have now. I’d have doctors who had never dealt with bipolar prescribing me medication geared toward unipolar depression.
I’d have people in my family, and friends around me, not quite sure what to think.
It made me want to bury it and simply move on.
Global Support
Having a support group or access to literature takes an acceptance of the illness, which can often only happen through the tough experiences associated with the cyclical nature of bipolar.
We learn through experience, often negative.
I had to see the mania and depression play itself out over the course of nearly a decade before I finally accepted treatment in the form of a holistic treatment plan.
The culture I grew up in, particularly on one side of my family, didn’t necessarily view it in clinical terms.
It was something I should just ‘get over.’
In a lot of cultures, there’s a kind of subjective, stigmatized view of bipolar that doesn’t necessarily encourage sticking to medication, and other treatment methods.
While one family may view the disorder as a choice in prolonged misery, our neighbor may see it for what it is — a lifelong condition that gets mitigated with treatment.
I have heard people from other countries also mention that after diagnosis, they were given no guidance except a few sheets of paper explaining the illness and medications they weren’t sure would even work.
It is extremely easy to be prescribed medication that can exacerbate mania.
Finding the right support can sometimes take years, if not decades.
Stigma and Society
Having a sympathetic worldview can unite a group of people who may feel ostracized. Allowing myself to be a part of a collective who understands the severity of bipolar has made all the difference.
Above all, my heart goes out to those from countries who don’t have access to care like I do.
I now know that if I put my story out there, there will likely be people receptive and understanding of what I go through in managing the illness.
It is a huge relief knowing that I’m not alone.
