Author: Charles Kelly
Living with bipolar disorder has been a journey of challenges, revelations, and profound personal growth. After my initial manic episode, I struggled to trust myself; every emotion felt like a potential warning sign. Over time, I realized there are tangible reasons behind these fluctuations, and understanding these triggers became key to managing my condition more effectively.
A significant breakthrough came from understanding Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), a concept from Daniel Amen’s book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. These ANTs—blaming, labeling, personalizing, fortune-telling, mind-reading—polluted my mind. To combat them, I turned to journaling. When a detrimental thought surfaced, I’d identify the ANT and flip the narrative into a positive affirmation. For example, transforming “You won’t succeed in school; you’re bipolar with no control” into “You have control. Keep showing up every day, study hard, and the grades will come.” This practice transformed my mental environment by interrupting negative cycles.
As I managed the ANTs, it became easier to distinguish normal feelings from mood fluctuations. Journaling taught me that I was not my thoughts. For instance, after evening workouts, I noticed subtle mood shifts—heightened ego or seeing basic ideas as groundbreaking. Recognizing these as symptoms was crucial; it signaled the need to wind down and focus on self-care.
Before this awareness, I’d catch surges of energy and find myself running at four in the morning, thinking I was “getting ahead.” In reality, I was fueling mania. Even more alarming were the nights I sought comfort in alcohol. I’d start at a bar, convincing myself I deserved a break, but the evening would spiral out of control. I’d wake up on a stranger’s couch with no memory of how I got there. Friends would recount my wild antics, saying I was hilarious, but I knew these were red flags. Increased sociability and risky behavior were signs that my bipolar symptoms were escalating.
Realizing the danger, I made a conscious decision to change. I embraced sobriety, replacing drinking with healthier habits like meditation and cold therapy. These practices helped stabilize my mood and made me less susceptible to depression. I also noticed that when my mood started to dip, I’d head to Chicken Express and binge on unhealthy food. Recognizing this pattern allowed me to substitute binge eating with journaling and self-care activities. It wasn’t about blaming external factors but about understanding my triggers and responding constructively.
A crucial lesson was learning to be kind to myself. If I missed work due to depression or mania, I let it go instead of spiraling into negative self-talk like “I’m useless, worthless, and falling behind in life.” In reality, I was still moving forward. Understanding that life was more than just work allowed me to appreciate the phenomenal people around me and enjoy the present moment. Neglecting self-care only worsened my condition, so I made it a priority.
I also realized that pushing myself to work long hours without proper nourishment was detrimental. I’d skip meals, telling myself I didn’t have time to eat, believing I was being productive. In truth, everything took longer because I was leaning toward mania. Tasks that should have taken an hour stretched into five or six. I’d internally blame others to justify my lack of progress, which was toxic and often led to mistakes. Learning to step away from a challenging task to eat or meditate allowed me to return with clarity and efficiency. Feeding my body and relaxing my mind prevented me from going down the unproductive spiral of mania.
Understanding there were always reasons for my mood—like food, sleep, or needing to wind down—empowered me. I was not a victim but an active participant in my well-being. By dropping the victim mentality and setting new parameters to protect my health, I found happiness and stability. I stopped asking, “Why am I manic or depressed?” and focused on addressing the underlying issues.
This experience brought me closer to who I truly am. I stopped living to please others and started paying attention to my own needs and desires. Taking time for myself, even if others didn’t understand, was okay. Prioritizing self-care positively impacted other areas of my life, including relationships at work and with family. By becoming a better version of myself, I could contribute more meaningfully to those around me.
The journey hasn’t been without challenges, but each step has brought me closer to understanding myself and living harmoniously with bipolar disorder. Being proactive in self-care doesn’t just prevent negative episodes; it fosters growth and happiness. Recognizing the reasons behind my mood shifts and addressing them head-on allowed me to take control of my life in ways I never thought possible.
In the end, living with bipolar disorder has taught me resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of self-love. It’s a continuous process of learning and adapting, making me stronger and more attuned to who I truly am. I’m not defined by my condition; I’ve allowed it to be a catalyst for positive change, guiding me toward a life of balance, fulfillment, and authenticity.
By sharing these experiences, I hope to illustrate that while bipolar disorder presents significant challenges, understanding and addressing personal triggers can lead to a more stable and fulfilling life. It’s about recognizing that neglecting self-care can have serious consequences, but it doesn’t mean we’re powerless. Changing habits and prioritizing well-being can make all the difference.
The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.
