Author: Subrina Singh
Let’s talk about it: trust. One of the most overused words, with meaning deeper than we can begin to understand. Trust. A word encompassing multiple feelings and a word full of such depth but still causes great confusion. When we are young, we aren’t immediately taught about trust. We learn about truth and lies. We are told stories of a big bad wolf, scaring us to always be honest. But in reality, fear should not fuel our truth. Truth comes from trust. And trust is rooted in relationships. Relationships are not built without trust. Relationships, both romantic and platonic, require confidence in one another. Honesty breeds an understanding of another’s experience, it nurtures a sense of caring and support while providing protection over someone’s journey and the experiences they trust within you.
18 years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was 16 years old and felt very alone. Everyone in my world was quick to pass judgement, even before my diagnosis. As a child, I overheard conversations that built a fear within me. For many years, I did not feel safe. I was alone, in my thoughts because I knew I could not share them with anyone. We had no open lines of communication and for that, for years, I kept secrets. Those secrets ate at me, along with the voices residing in my brain. This is the same reason I struggled in therapy. I was so scared she would reveal my every thought without understanding the lengths in which therapists value confidentiality. When I look back, I am saddened by my choices to alienate the ones I loved the most. Yet, I know deep down, I did it for my own protection; I had to learn to trust myself first.
If I could give one tip to family members and loved ones of those living with bipolar disorder: I would tell them to preface every conversation with a reminder. Let this reminder emphasize your support and love for that person regardless of their emotions, actions, episodes and moods. Tell your loved one that there is nothing they can say that would make you stop loving them and that even in disappointment or confusion, there is no hate. Do more than simply say, “you can trust me.” SHOW THEM. Do not wait for them to come to you, to ask how they are doing. Keep the lines of communication open with invitations and welcoming smiles. Be open to listening while also knowing and accepting that you can never fully understand their experience, because all of our experiences are individualized and unique.
I wish I knew this 20 years ago, when I began therapy. I look back now and know that the invitations for heart to hearts were there but my own fear blinded me. Reflecting in this way, gives me the opportunity to be even more honest and candid about my emotions and disorder. However, there is regret in the fact that so much of my pain could have been prevented had I had a confidant. A life with a mental illness as severe as bipolar disorder has many challenges, one of which is stigma or judgement. For all the times I knew I should have been more honest, I know my lies were that of protection. But this was not protection of my physical being, just of the misunderstood emotions. Unfortunately, I did not know then I needed protection for both. I understand this now because I recognize the value of trusted relationships. Today, my life is so different because trust is of utmost importance not only, in relationships with others, but within myself. That is the trust I value the most. The trust that comes from self care and self love that allows me to be honest with myself, my family and my treatment team. Needless to say, I now have a team I trust wholeheartedly. I have seen first hand how trust, honesty and trusted relationships can lead us to a path of recovery. This does not mean I put trust in just anyone; trust is earned and all you need is just one person to have faith in, to listen to you, to validate you and most importantly walk beside you on this winding journey.
The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.
