Author: Lisa Rabey

When I was throwing around ideas for this month’s column, the concept of being friends with someone who has bipolar came up as a great idea. One of my very best friends has bipolar and we are close because we understand each other. We know how to comfort and support each other when we hit the highs and the lows. 

But my other friends, how did they feel about me? Did my mental illness affect them in any way? Were there things they’ve always wanted to tell me but couldn’t?  

I wanted to find out, so I sent a short survey to those I interact with on a regular basis. 

There were some interesting insights. 

The average length of time I’ve known those who responded is at least 15 years, most over 20. Many cannot handle the highs and lows because honestly, you never know what you’re going to get when your friend is in crisis. I’ve lost many friends over the years when I was not stable because being friends with someone who has a mental illness can be a lot to handle. 

I was not surprised that they all knew I have bipolar. Since I’m open with my diagnosis, I felt this was an accepted truth. Still, it was nice to know they were aware of my mental illness and didn’t judge me for it. 

87.5% of them said my illness impacted them in some way. When I saw the pie chart, I was horrified that so many felt that way. But when I read the responses, it was more that they were concerned for me and worried when I was in a high or low. Several of them were upset they didn’t know more about illness, and they felt they weren’t good enough friends to me. My relationship with those is stronger now because they loved me enough to learn more about my illness and not turn me away. 

Another 87.5% of them also commented that my behavior concerned them. They all spoke of a specific time in my life when I was manic and unmedicated. It’s clear from their responses they felt helpless because they couldn’t help me or begin to know how to help me. I was also pushing people away during this time and making unwise choices, so their concerns were definitely valid. 

And in the final response, all of them were positive in their notes to me. They all said they loved me, and they wanted me to live my best life. I know, by being self-aware of my own actions and thoughts in the last few years, that being friends with someone who has a mental illness cannot be that easy. But each person wrote they saw the good in me, which lightened my heart. 

The positive feedback really bolstered my relationships with my friends. I felt that the survey also made my relationships stronger. Now, I had an idea of how they felt being friends with someone who has a mental illness. It made me love them more in return because they saw beyond my illness. They saw me for me. 

While you are strong for living with your mental illness, we still need to consider being open about our diagnosis. There is so much misinformation about our disease that we need to combat every day. Is it exhausting? Yes. But is it worthwhile? Definitely. My goal, and I hope yours can be too, is to create a world of compassion and understanding about mental health. As people with bipolar, we know it’s not easy to integrate in the world, but at the same time, our courage to be open about our diagnosis can go a long way to dismantling that information and proving to the world that we are more than our illness. 

You can do this. I believe in you. 

Lisa Rabey was diagnosed with bipolar one in her early 20s after having a manic phase. She experienced smaller manic and depressive states for many years until she had another large manic state in 2014. By early 2016, a working combination of drug and talk therapies finally worked and Lisa has been in recovery ever since. She can be found across the internet as @heroineinabook.

The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.