Author: Charles Kelly

For most of my life in high school and college, I made friends with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder in the driver’s seat. Therefore, when I got my diagnosis, I couldn’t be the fun, energetic, and laughable person I once was. This was not a bad thing because I realized in most cases, I was just being used so that others weren’t bored with themselves, almost used as entertainment. This is why I found it liberating when I was diagnosed with bipolar; I searched for the correct friends who would not completely drain me when I was with them and appreciate and respect our time together. I often told myself I didn’t have real friends during certain times because something was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me; I no longer wanted to stoop low to constant peer pressure and embarrass myself to get a laugh at the party.

Friendship is a funny thing, especially in college, because I always thought you needed to join a good fraternity to make friends. All this was a shallow friendship dressed as a fraternity using our parents’ money as dues to throw parties to act like we were networking and furthering our careers. When some of the friends you will make in those social circles are the furthest thing from who you would like to associate with in college. My bipolar disorder only fueled my mania because I would take exams and then drink a ton to be able to quiet my mind. And none of my quote-on-quote friends asked, “Charles, is everything ok?” Instead, I was praised for how much I could drink. But, of course, it is harmless, and I would not understand. Thankfully, my first manic episode came away from the fraternity, and I was kind of disconnected, focusing on life after college. Although at the height of the manic episode, I had lucid thoughts where I blocked everybody from the fraternity, and even after becoming stable, I kept it that way.

I came to terms with the person I was before the diagnosis & medication and how the experience of friendship would look very different than the unstable, self-aware version of me who now sees a therapist. We will not meet up to constantly complain and must drink four margaritas to have a simple conversation about our future goals. We will have psychological safety where I don’t feel like my thoughts are going to get shot out of the sky at every turn and judged and embarrassed in the group chat in front of fifty other dudes. It became ridiculous, so I started looking for friends and began to look within myself more frequently for happiness. I realized that human beings are obsessed with the content of the outside world and do not focus enough on the world within each one of us consciousness. Safe to say, I did a ton of meditation to arrive here, although I did meet some more friends as I began to finish up college. Although some were not on the same page as me, they were overly religious, and I was just looking to focus on school and different things. I used to just continue this relationship, which would force me to participate in things I did not like. However, I told myself I would be honest this time and let it fade out. I realize now that I or another person is not the problem; I just click with others much better.

So, I continued focusing on my relationship with my girlfriend and dog, my career, and my mental health. Something I came to find is that when I was an undiagnosed bipolar individual, I attracted a lot of friends who drank a ton and did drugs. Now that I was sober, focusing on myself, reading, and wanting to better myself, I was attracting those types of people into myself or was at least aware of it now. It is almost like you are a magnet to individuals like you. I needed to choose the individuals who drained less of my energy and high goals and aspirations because that is what I wanted from myself. I often ran into these types of friends at the gym, bookstore, school, and marathon races. Still, it was most certainly not from drinking alcohol and becoming the social light.

Now, I am not saying that I have many friends nowadays and that some are not co-workers or spouses, but I could have zero at the end of the day. I feel more fulfilled now with few friends than ever when I had over 100 friends with shallow connections. Because the happiness was within me all along, and only certain people, like my therapist and my girlfriend, were able to pull this out of me. But If I was still tending to those 100-plus friends, I would have never found the time for those specific friendships that wanted me to attain the best for myself and were selfless. I live by a quote: “Be careful who you call your friend. I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies” ~Al Capone.

The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.