Anonymous asks: Can showing up for someone who’s struggling be a learned skill, and how can it make a meaningful difference in their life?

How we support others is a skill that indeed can be learned. I think some of the wisdom from the modality of therapy, Motivational Interviewing, is actually really helpful. Remember the acronym – OARS, which stands for open-ended questions, affirmations, reflective listening, and summaries. Open-ended questions allow each individual to have a multitude of options for how they can respond, rather than the binary outcomes of yes-or-no-questions. Affirmations show that you support your loved one and can validate them so that they feel seen. Reflective listening and summaries show that you are really hearing them and attuning to their emotions. I recommend practicing OARS with folks across all areas of life– with friends, family, colleagues…you name it.

Helping others by listening to their story can allow them to feel less alone. Two of the biggest risk factors for mental health are social isolation and perceived burdensomeness. Your loved one knowing that you are there for them will serve as a meaningful buffer against both, which is critically important for wellbeing. This in turn will facilitate a closer connection that will hopefully be reciprocated in your time of need as well!

Dr. Stephanie Freitag PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist based in Brooklyn, New York. She runs her own private practice where she treats patients in seven states (CA, CT, FL, GA, MA, NJ, NY). As a specialist in bipolar disorder, she uses Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) to support patients in individual and group therapy. She most recently trained at the Emory School of Medicine where she is currently an assistant adjunct faculty member who publishes research on bipolar disorder and intimate partner violence. Beyond her clinical work and research she is passionate about advocacy and believes strongly in fighting the stigma associated with mental illness.