Author: Maria Jacobs
My name is Maria Jacobs, and I have lived with Bipolar 1 Disorder for very near to forty years now. In my early twenties, I experienced a sudden and severe depression while in college, followed by extreme mania. I was awake for three full days, paranoid and filled with fear, believing that my phone was tapped, and that I was being followed wherever I went, even in the privacy of my own room.
I failed all of my classes and went home to see a psychologist who quickly recommended a psychiatrist that could prescribe medication. Unable to advocate for myself in my impaired state, my family refused that for me. They were living in denial and felt that this was something that would improve on its own. I went back to school untreated, having stabilized somewhat, only to return a year later in an even worse cycle. I finally began enduring the difficult journey of finding the right medication. It was grueling and arduous, but necessary.
I resumed regular out-patient visits with my psychologist and found a wonderful psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic. I entered the working world to the best of my ability. I moved to Los Angeles years later to pursue a music career and early on in my decade long tenure there, I thought I had finally conquered this once debilitating disease. I was wrong.
After six years in LA, life happened and brought with it stressors that made my life absolutely unmanageable. I lost a secure, full-time job that I loved, and scrounged for a long time in a revolving door of just about every soul-draining, part-time job imaginable. I missed my medication frequently, and drank to self-medicate. I found myself begging for inpatient treatment for the first time, enduring another major cycle, complete with all of the same symptoms described above, only worse. This time I was awake and paranoid with suicidal ideation for four full days.
Having read all of that, I’m sure you’re thinking: “Where does the ‘full remission’ part come in?”
Well, it seemed that would never happen during those dark years, until I moved home to get into treatment with my original doctors at the clinic. Inpatient treatment provided much needed structure and I began to sleep again, but it didn’t fix anything else because they could not give me the one-on-one attention the way that my doctors could at home. With their immeasurable help, my life stabilized once again.
I won’t say that I never needed another medication adjustment. I did, but they were minor. I will happily say however, that for little over a decade now, I’ve been living a full life both professionally and personally. Something that seemed near impossible for years. The big city was hard on me. I had no stability, and my health and treatment suffered tremendously as a result. That all changed when I moved home, where I was forced to face the realities of my condition. My doctors taught me to nurture a holistic life, balancing work, healthy diet, interpersonal relationships, a solid faith life which was also life-saving, and of course, compliance with medication.
With all of that now in balance, I have no bipolar symptoms. My entire life is not just manageable, it is joyful and productive. I could have never imagined all those years ago that my life would one day be as it is now. My successes today were not even a twinkle in my eye back when I was just happy to get out of bed in the morning.
I have authored and published a book about my lifelong struggle and subsequent healing. The book is entitled: “Tell Them About Me” – A Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and the Faith Walk Into Remission. My music is flourishing and I am a college professor and licensed music educator. I speak and advocate to churches, women’s organizations, recovery groups and colleges, about the realities of living with Bipolar Disorder.
I share my story to give hope to encourage those who are still afflicted, to let them know that there is another side to the dark mountain they are climbing. Also, to give hope to their loved one’s walking beside them. I speak of my faith life and encourage people to accept that God often heals through doctors and medication.
Full remission is possible, and I wish this for all who are still struggling with Bipolar Disorder. Thank you for letting me share my experience, strength and hope.
Maria Jacobs is the author of “Tell Them About Me” – A Journey Through Bipolar Disorder and the Faith Walk Into Remission, which details her life, afflicted with Bipolar Disorder since age 22, and her subsequent recovery and remission.
She is the vocal jazz professor at Kent State University, a licensed music educator and a national recording artist. She speaks and advocates for women’s conferences, recovery groups, churches and colleges. She and her book have been written about in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Kent State Today, and she has been a featured blogger for NAMI (2020) and for IBDF (2020). Find out more at www.mariajacobs.com.
