Author: Melinda Goedeke I had a beautiful daughter who amazed the world with her laughter, intelligence, spunk and adventure. And she was a liar. She lied to her family, she lied to her friends, she lied to her employers and most painfully, she lied to me. She...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Unfortunately, like many, I have experienced trauma in my life. So much so that I often see life as just a series of traumatic events. Some wounds are bored so deeply that they are firmly lodged within my soul. Those are my private...
by Melinda Goedeke A woman and her child sit tightly together in their stranded car hoping and praying help is on its way. Snowflake after snowflake rapidly envelopes the car until it cannot move at all. Nearly out of gas, the car remains off, and they snuggle trying...
By: Melinda Goedeke Spying on a lobster the size of my leg while gently swaying back and forth 70 ft. below the sea is both exhilarating and meditative for me. I even secretly like the anxiety of knowing that with each breath my oxygen is depleting. I swim swiftly...
By Melinda Goedeke I laugh sarcastically every time I watch a commercial about medication for the treatment of bipolar disorder. Unkempt young men and women are shown in dark, depressing places with vacuous eyes and downtrodden faces until they take the miracle...
by Melinda Goedeke I’m often asked whether or not I saw the signs. What I hear in that question is blame and responsibility; assignment of fault. I didn’t see the signs because there weren’t many to see; I saw Laura – my delightful, radiant, and complicated...
by Melinda Goedeke I’m often asked whether or not I saw the signs. What I hear in that question is blame and responsibility; assignment of fault. I didn’t see the signs because there weren’t many to see; I saw Laura – my delightful, radiant, and complicated...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Dedicated, thanks and praise to my therapist. I used to have a stabbing searing pain in my right shoulder. You couldn’t tell by looking at me as I winced silently until I simply could not. At that point, I sought medical help and now go...
Author: Melinda Goedeke To still my brain, I puzzle. In my world, puzzle is a verb. It is what you do when the thoughts in your mind run rampant and collide leaving you lost in chaos. While puzzling, I only consider the pieces in front of me. Where is the piece...
Author: Melinda Goedeke I have two children. One is low key, mild-mannered, and has a half tooth. The other is high-key, wild-mannered and has a double tooth. Both are brilliant, beautiful and better than me, but one is living, and one is dead. Laura died from bipolar...
Author: Melinda Goedeke We don’t have bonfires. We have scorching, searing conflagrations that silently raise our internal boiling points until we are nearly cooked and charred. We scoot back only an inch as we don’t really want to leave the warmth despite the fear...
Author: Melinda Goedeke I remember when my daughter was 22, and she started talking about wanting children some day. This was cause for celebration as Laura often didn’t believe she had a future; her bipolar disorder caused her to live fast, talk fast and...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Destigmatize: to remove association from shame or disgrace (according to Miriam Webster). I like destigmatizing; it feels honorable and worthwhile. And it is. I destigmatize all over the place often with tears streaming down my face as I...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Recently, I went on an incredible rafting trip down the Colorado River in Moab, Utah. If I fell out of the raft, I was told to put my hand on my head signaling I was okay. The guide said that okay meant I was alive. I might be bleeding,...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Every time I drive home, I have to decide exactly when to turn onto my street as that split second decision could be the difference between making it safely home or not. My timing has to be perfect. I am sometimes forced (in my mind) to cut...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Sleeping is an event for me. 8:30 p.m. comes around, and I start thinking about sleep. I put on my oversized jammies and crawl into bed ready…..ready to shut down. To stop. To rest. My husband doesn’t do any “readying” and is asleep the moment...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Enraptured in a riveting discussion about The Crucible in my junior lit. class, I vaguely hear a threatening buzzing. And then I spot it – a killer bee swiftly flying around the room darting over heads and under desks, coyly, without...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Contingency plans rule my world because I see the glass as half empty. My kids used to sarcastically call me the beam of optimism because I was always preparing for the impending disaster. It’s one of those special gifts I learned in...
Author: Melinda Goedeke I remember when Laura was little staring at me with a mix of defiance, confidence and spunk refusing to walk without her doll stroller. She was 16 months old and could most definitely walk. She knew walking solo meant moving to the “big kid...
Author: Melinda Goedeke When my beautiful daughter was 23, she was asked to be in one of her best friend’s wedding. Running towards me with her infectious smile, she shared the news with me talking so quickly I barely understood. What I did understand is that she was...
Author: Melinda Goedeke I remember this moment in time clearly – standing in my office holding my friend Pat’s hand listening as her words tumbled awkwardly yet resolutely out of her mouth and tears quietly cascaded down her cheeks. “Now, I don’t even have...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Chaos is what I know; it is where I excel. Keeping on the move ironically slows my racing thoughts and brings a loud silence to my brain. Right now it seems chaos is the norm for many amidst this unpredictable pandemic that is careening down...
Author: Melinda Goedeke As the sun sets and the red hues slowly drip into the lake, I pause and watch. Peace washes over me as I breathe slowly noting the sound of my breath. It is a stark contrast to the rapid, somewhat panicked breathing I know all too well. The...
