To my newly diagnosed 16 year old self:

There is so much I wish to tell you and warn you, in hopes of preparing you for the journey to come. But even now, 18 years later, tears come to my eyes thinking of the path I have traveled to reach this very moment. I wonder what knowledge could have made a difference in my life, had I known it then. And, as much as I hate it, I know the answer: none. As complicated as it may seem, it really is simple : mastery of bipolar disorder comes with experience and an acceptance that no matter how much I have learned, how much I have read or what advice I have been given, it is still a unique experience one needs to live themselves. 

What I can tell you is that you are a survivor. And for every time, you think you can not make it – you can and you will. For all the moments full of self doubt, you will develop a voice within: encouraging you, motivating you and holding on to hope you thought was long gone. Hope is never gone. At times, you will have to search for it, digging deep into your soul finding the light of a child full of dreams. There will be many times that you live solely for that child and the person you’ve dreamt to be. The road ahead is full of challenges, obstacles and difficult decisions. Here is your reminder to always trust yourself. Have confidence in your choices. There is no better person to decide for you, other than yourself. Keep in mind that even those with the same diagnosis, have not walked a day in your shoes. Assure yourself that even though this path is not linear, you are always progressing. We learn more through difficulties than we do in triumph. Be patient and always show yourself grace. Look in the mirror and speak to yourself with love and kindness on the days when you hate yourself the most. When it comes to treatment, between medication management and therapy, all we can do is trust the process. This is the best way to learn that we have very little control of this life. It takes time. Put aside your impatience and fearfulness; believing in yourself, your strength and your courage is the only way to thrive. Take in all the moments. Because as difficult as the journey may be, the moments of joy and laughter make it all worthwhile. Fight for those moments and one day, just as a diamond is made through pressure, you will have a heart full of gratitude for the diagnosis that made you the best version of yourself.

All my love,

the adult you dreamt of becoming