Something I am Proud Of:

What I am proud of in my journey is that I never gave up, no matter how hard things got. I always found a way to power through the darkness after a manic episode, and the trauma that can come along. I have been in a mental hospital 4 times previously and never got any other diagnosis than anxiety and depression.The 4th time I went to a mental hospital I crossed my arms and said that I wasn’t going to leave until I got some answers, but the answer I got was that it was just a typical depression episode and that I just needed to heal. But the doctor also told me that if I had an underlying bipolar disorder and was taking the medication that I was prescribed I could go into a manic episode but that was not something that I should worry about.

So I went home and went on with my life. I wasn’t going to give up no matter what. I had to move on. So I did. At that time I could find myself feeling like a ticking time bomb. But I didn’t know what that meant. It wasn’t until I went to Italy with my coworkers that I went through a manic episode and did a lot of things that I would never have done if I was feeling like myself. In Italy I was picked up by an ambulance and was taken to a hospital and there I got my diagnosis. Bipolar type 1. This experience was very traumatic for me. My dad came to Italy and went home with me. When I finally came home I felt a sudden relief because I knew that something was wrong but I couldn’t put my finger on it and neither did my doctor. Like I said before I never gave up, no matter what because life is always worth living no matter what comes in your way.

Message for Newly Diagnosed:

When you get your bipolar diagnosis you may feel like you are alone. But believe me, you are never alone. Look around. Find your people and educate yourself. Talk to your doctor and ask them anything, no matter how stupid it may sound. Find your way, power through the darkness and find the light, no matter how small it is. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to believe it. Life is always worth living. Be proud of who you are. Nobody else is you and that is your superpower. And last but not least, like I have said before, never ever give up. There is always an answer. There is always a way. You just have to believe it. Be relieved that you finally got your answer after all that has come your way. And I can promise you that, your eyes will finally open and your world will make sense. Your ups and downs will finally make sense. 


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