There is no one-size-fits-all answer to such a complex question. That being said, I have a few pointers. When looking for a therapist, there are many options. You can find a referral through a friend or family member who has had a good experience with a therapist. Another option is to look on Psychology Today, a comprehensive directory that lists therapists in your area. They will tell you whether the therapist takes your insurance or is out-of-network. Listings will also indicate whether they are virtual, in person, or hybrid. Lastly, another recommendation is to check through your insurance for providers if you plan to go through your insurance.

When exploring therapist options, set up a consultation call for a brief exploratory conversation with a prospective therapist. Ask them what their style of therapy is including modality (CBT or psychodynamic), their areas of expertise, and any other therapeutic approach questions. You can ask them their hours, whether they take insurance, and fees if they don’t. In this initial call, you can get a preliminary sense of whether they may be a good fit, though an appointment is the best way to determine this.

In terms of fit, there is a bit of trial and error. First of all, it does take time to build a relationship with your therapist so it’s often worthwhile to give it a few sessions before you make a decision. That being said, it’s important to feel a sense of comfort and empathy pretty quickly. Your therapist should be curious about you, your interests, your strengths, and the areas where you hope to grow. It’s also valuable to feel like you are learning and at times challenged, even when it’s uncomfortable. Of course, it’s useful to be challenged in a non-judgmental way or you may be less receptive to feedback. Ultimately, a good therapist should blend compassion, curiosity, and insight.

Dr. Stephanie Freitag PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist based in Brooklyn, New York. She runs her own private practice where she treats patients in seven states (CA, CT, FL, GA, MA, NJ, NY). As a specialist in bipolar disorder, she uses Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) to support patients in individual and group therapy. She most recently trained at the Emory School of Medicine where she is currently an assistant adjunct faculty member who publishes research on bipolar disorder and intimate partner violence. Beyond her clinical work and research she is passionate about advocacy and believes strongly in fighting the stigma associated with mental illness.