The part of my journey with Bipolar Disorder that I am the most proud of is how far I have come since my diagnosis. Looking back it is clear to me now that I have always suffered from bipolar disorder. I played sports from the moment I could walk all the way through college. Throughout college my symptoms worsened, and at times I felt hopeless and unable to function. I was afraid to lose my starting position, so I pushed all of those feelings down and hid them from everyone. This only worsened the hypomanic and depressive episodes and left me feeling isolated, alone, and unable to cope mentally. I understand why so many people suffer in silence as I did out of fear of social stigmas, but that fear can keep us from healing. 

6 months prior to learning of my Bipolar Disorder I had been wrongly diagnosed with general anxiety/depression but was struggling with episodes. In November of 2022 I was hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation and diagnosed with Bipolar II, at the time I had no idea what that diagnosis meant for my future. At first it felt like a spotlight was shone on a personal flaw, but as I progressed I realized that I was being handed the tools to be the person I wanted to be. I learned about hypomania and how to curb irrational thinking/behavior. I’ve learned that established routine and medication keeps highs and lows more manageable. And most importantly I’ve learned that our disabilities are not a weakness, they are obstacles, and every day that we live and thrive is a testament to our strength. In the two years since that hospitalization I’ve built the foundation for a career in research, formed a loving community, and set myself down the path towards self actualization.

My message to anyone who has been newly diagnosed is that your diagnosis can mark a positive change in your life. Before the day that you were diagnosed you still had bipolar disorder, but without that context it can be hard for treatment to be effective. For me it took therapy, consistent medication, and practice making intentional life choices. For you it could look completely different, but the results can come more quickly than you think. No matter the hole that you feel you are in there are people that care about you and professionals that can help. Mental disabilities are not our fault, but they are our responsibility. Fortunately for us, there are resources and organizations that can help you imagine the future you want and achieve it.