Author: Jamie Hopkins
Just a few months after receiving my initial bipolar I diagnosis at the age of 18, I packed my bags and moved from my hometown to begin my post-secondary career as a collegiate soccer player. I had no idea the challenges I would encounter over the course of my time in college, but it was the successes I managed to find that made me truly appreciate what it means to live with bipolar disorder.
Now in my second year of studies, I am proud of my success in the classroom and as a member of the school community. Soon after beginning training with the college’s soccer team, I became a member of the varsity badminton team, and have since joined the cross-country running team in training and competition. My previous fall semester was met with running from one team’s practice to another, with days sometimes amounting to up to seven hours of training. I’m often asked how I manage to balance three varsity teams in addition to my academics. The complexity of that answer comes in the form of an everlasting journey of challenges, learning, and growth.
It was hard to try to fit in with my teammates when nobody knew how far from stability I was. I was still trying desperately to find the right medication routine, and knew that I needed to be in bed by 10pm if I wanted any chance of getting through the next day. A 10pm bedtime doesn’t get you very far in the world of college socialization. It took me a very long time to accept the disconnect I felt from my teammates, and to realize that for me to be successful, some things would have to give.
My first badminton season was met with continued instability and hospitalization, leading to missing more tournaments than I attended. I was beyond frustrated and couldn’t accept the fact that those around me were correct in that things were not all working out in my favour. The desire to leave sport lingered in my mind for months.
There was always a part of me that knew how much I needed those teams, and I never stopped showing up. For many, it’s creative outlets that help manage, and thrive under, bipolar disorder. For me, that outlet has always been through sport. In what most would see as a hectic, tiresome, overlapping schedule, I see consistency, accountability, and purpose – all of which are essential to me maintaining stability.
I often feel as though I am living a lie when it comes to my life in college. To those on the outside, I’m a high achieving honours student and triple sport varsity athlete who seemingly never stops moving from one commitment to the next. What they don’t see is the calendar full of appointments, the constantly changing medications, the days on end without sleep, the time in hospital, and the never ending fear of all that energy going a little too far. It’s sometimes hard to wrap my head around the fact that those achievements wouldn’t be there without the challenges, but I know that it’s true.
In recognizing how sport goes hand in hand with my mental health, I’ve learned how to better understand that there are times in which I need to take a step back in order to avoid falling all the way down. I’ve learned to recognize early warning signs, and can more easily accept that missing a training session or competition day will do much more positives than negatives in the long run.
It isn’t easy to explain to someone the ease for me to maintain such a seemingly chaotic schedule while in a prolonged hypomanic state. For many people, they see my bipolar disorder
as a barrier to living a fulfilling life. While I once believed the very same, I now see how much I have grown and accomplished in such a short amount of time as a result of living with this never ending story of challenge, change, and success.
Jamie Hopkins is a current student athlete in Northern Ontario, Canada, where she competes as a member of her college’s soccer, badminton, and cross-country running teams. She is actively involved in student leadership and provincial advocacy initiatives focusing on post-secondary student wellness and accessibility. Jamie holds certifications as both a soccer and cross-country ski coach, and has been coaching youth sport since 2017. Within her community, Jamie works with a number of organizations promoting youth engagement, mental health, and girls’ sport.
After being diagnosed with Bipolar I in her final year of high-school, Jamie has found a passion for showing others how challenges can lead to the greatest successes, and that with every day comes growth. She uses her own experiences, setbacks, and achievements to help others to see challenges not as barriers stopping them from moving forward, but as hurdles on the way to the finish line.
The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.
