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Dullness

I want to talk to you all about something that I experienced very intensely when I first started taking medication. What happened was I felt a very strong dull feeling inside. I was no longer feeling the lows, but I was also no longer feeling the highs either. So, I was just left with a sort of bored feeling constantly. 

I will admit, it was nice no longer feeling those mood swings, but my laughter had vanished. My smiles were less frequent. It was another hurdle to get through in my recovery process. I knew that there had to be a way out, but I wasn't sure of where or when that was. 

I started therapy with a wonderful woman that talked to me about the dullness. It was just what I needed. My family was and always has been great in my journey, but it was so refreshing being able to talk to someone that understood my feelings. 

I went to therapy at least three times a month, sometimes four. It wasn't like I met this therapist and then everything worked out immediately, it was a very slow going process, but that was OK. I just need a reminder that I was finding a way back to happiness.  

The dullness eventually subsided and I found my way back to being happy, but this time it was different. Instead of feeling the extreme high feeling, I felt more at peace-and still do! The world became a calmer place for me. 

Like I said, that took time. In fact, it took a little over two years to really get there mentally, but the fight was very much worth it. I always had my support system and my faith. With those things plus my ongoing treatments, there was no stopping me.

Please consider talking to someone about your disorder. I know that it's hard and very intense, but if you never give up, then the payoff will be more than worth it. God gave you this life for a reason, make the absolute most of it.

See you soon!

Comments

Hi Sarah,

I have been battling Bipolar for two years now and I still feel dull now because of the change in medications. I am not happy or sad either. There is something stirring me in the inside but on the outside it doesn't show....

It may sound strange but an issue I faced after my treatment for bipolar disorder was the withdrawal of some of my friends. I thought that my therapy and medication would make me more appealing to everyone. Well that's not what happened. What I found was that some of my companions enjoyed the manic me and expected me to do the weird and unusual things I did before. The medication made better but less of a risk taking party animal.
So if you begin a treatment program, surround yourself with people who will be willing to accept you once you mellow out.

I agree with you on surrounding yourself with people who will be willing to accept you once you mellow out. I have found a great support group that works with me not against me. :)

I know exactly how this feels, like you want to do something but are to bored or lazy to get up and do it or try anything new....I am in therapy now, I do hope it helps me!

I was originally diagnosed with bipolar 8 years ago and quit the meds within months. I spiraled down into addiction, alcohol and depressed with severe mania. I was on adderal for another ADHD which I don't have. We now know it was a cycle. I'm back on the correct meds and correct diagnosis but my journey is dull. I struggle everyday to not freak myself out with my thoughts and bored.

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