Author: Matthew Palmieri
Disclosing the Illness
So now, with a clearer and more honest outlook, I find myself asking the question of, ‘Should I let this person know about this thing that might impact our relationship?’
It’s a divisive topic I often come across on social media–whether we should disclose our illness early on in a relationship, or if we should let it run its natural course and disclose once there is an established trust.
I suppose there are pros and cons to each approach. I don’t think there is a clear-cut answer.
If disclosed early, work relationships may be more healthy if it is understood that there is a disability happening, especially if there are protections in place for employees struggling with a mood disorder.
The opposite could be the case as well. Employers may look at those with a mental disability as a liability more than someone who can work well within a team and bring a dynamic energy to a team.
Bipolar, after all, is a manageable illness, even if chronic.
Dating and Finding the Right App
There are apps out there for single people struggling with bipolar, surprisingly enough. That’s how far we’ve come and it’s a big relief. Finding a safe place to establish a relationship under that understanding can bring peace of mind.
It may then be easier to set guilt-free boundaries because both parties understand what is taking place, nuances and all.
Once I fully accepted my life-long battle with bipolar, it soon became apparent that it was my responsibility to establish healthy boundaries, especially once I felt symptoms ramping up. Doing this early and often sets a precedence that is easier to follow down the road.
Still, even with mutual understanding, maintaining a healthy relationship takes consistent effort on my part.
Intentional Connection
Operating under the assumption that stability is a given has proven, in my life, to be a slippery slope.
I have found myself months into relationships built on bad habits. Poor eating, an erratic sleep schedule, a reluctance to work out, are just a few examples of behaviors that I’ve let slip at the beginning of some really ‘fun’ relationships.
At first it may feel like I’m giving myself a break, but in actuality I’m letting my illness begin to creep in, with the intention of cycling me to the darker parts of bipolar.
So as a result, bipolar can get a little difficult to navigate. Instead of having the illness at bay, it’s right on the edge of breaking out.
Therefore, if I am constantly aware of the illness, and maintain a holistic treatment plan, it’s much easier to recognize the symptoms and combat them that way, with the intention of getting close and sharing intimacy with someone, which I believe is a natural inclination for all of us.
When to Let Go
If I’ve experienced the full spectrum (i.e. Heavy Depression, Mania, and Euthymia) and a relationship still isn’t able to overcome these challenges, I understand it may be time to let go.
Sometimes when I’m managing bipolar, it can be difficult to see if problems in a relationship are due to the relationship dynamic itself, or if it is a result of bipolar creeping in.
In my experience, it is often the illness that causes the most disruption, rather than the relationship itself. I try to listen to the voice inside me that’s gently guiding me to the right place, but having someone right next to me who can say, ‘That doesn’t sound like you can be a lifesaver.
Navigating relationships, whether platonic or romantic, can be tricky enough but having an open dialogue with your partner, friend, etc., will likely shed a brighter light on bipolar when the symptoms start to naturally creep in.
Owning it instead of playing victim to it has definitely changed my approach.
I feel like now when I am getting close to someone, I can be more authentically me, which makes mental illness much more manageable.
The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.
