Author: Jamie Hopkins
It is often said that reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do. But what if it wasn’t? There’s no doubt that it takes an incredible amount of strength, courage, and vulnerability to put so much trust in another person. But how do you know who to put that trust into?
There isn’t much in life that comes easy – and certainly not anything that involves such self-awareness, humility, and commitment as building a meaningful support system. But there are few people who wouldn’t tell you that it is those things in life that take the most time, energy, and effort that create the most long-lasting and meaningful results.
Building a support system is about as far away from a one-size-fits-all approach as you can get. There are endless unique variables, limits, and factors that contribute to each person’s journey – no single formula could ever leave everyone with the perfect outcome to succeed. But just like every great mathematician who’s come before, with enough experimentation and refinements, a solution will always be found.
There are a lot of preconceived notions of what a person’s support system should look like – and a lot of these assumptions and stereotypes can lead to barriers in reaching out for help. Growing up, it seemed everyone around me went to their parents and families for help. “Family first” was the way to go. Coming from the unconventional family that was my own, never would I have even considered speaking to one of the members of my household about my struggles. Having no other models of different support systems, I figured that if I didn’t have the support of my family, then I was on my own. It never occurred to me that perhaps there was someone else in my life that could fill that vital role for me.
For years, I operated extremely independently – something that many people would praise me for in the years to come, but that I recognize now as another struggle I could have avoided. It wasn’t so much that I was afraid to reach out for help; it was that I didn’t realize that I could. Realizing that it was okay to open up to other trusted people in my life – not just family – was a game changer for me.
It was the staff at my school that became the beginning of my soon to be ever-growing network of support. These were people that I saw every day: my teachers, coaches, friends’ parents, members of the community – in the small town that was my own, many of these people held all of these roles in my life simultaneously. In a very strong way, these people were my family. Not everyone who worked at my school was a person I was seeking out support from each day; they were people that I felt trust in – people that gave me a sense of comfort amongst the chaos. Simply having these people in my corner – people whom I knew would be there, no matter what, no matter when – made all the difference for me.
Just as everything else in this world, a support system is ever changing. With each new chapter of life, needs change, people come and go, and priorities shift. It’s not easy to leave a member of your support system behind; sometimes it’s hard to accept that there are things in life that have to change. My high school cross-country running coach was an incredible support to me navigating my teenage years. The fact that he wouldn’t be in my life forever didn’t hit me until the day we went our separate ways, and it hit me hard. But it didn’t take me long to realize that everything that he had taught me, everything that he helped me overcome, had made me a much more resourceful, resilient, and confident person. His unwavering support helped to create so much more ease in trusting the new coaches that would come into my life and soon become even more members of that ever-evolving network of support.
Nobody’s support system looks the same – not in the people who make it up or in the way in which it is created. My network stems from the various communities and groups that I am fortunate to be a member of. I know people who would tell me that it’s their family that is their greatest support. Maybe it’s their dog, or their classmates, or an online community that brings them the comfort they need.
Every person carries a unique set of strengths that a support system helps to build to their full potential. When those strengths are complimented with an equally unique network of support, adversity stands little chance of getting in the way.
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