Proud of Pushing Through the Fear of Bipolar 

I’m proud that despite my early experiences with bipolar in my family, I was able to push through the fear, and accept and embrace my diagnosis of bipolar. In the late 1970s, my sister was diagnosed with “manic-depression”, as it was called back then. I was confused and afraid of her behaviour when she stopped taking her medication; it seemed like she was someone else. I was told by a minister that she may be possessed, if you can believe that. Not much was known about bipolar back then. 

I was 13 years old at the time and it was scary; I was terrified of “catching” it. I believed at the time that if I was diagnosed with bipolar, hope for my future would be replaced by a life locked up in a hospital. I turned to alcohol and drugs to cope with the chaos at home.  

In 1997, clean and sober, my biggest fear came true: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (BD II). I was afraid, but decided to learn as much as possible. In the 1990s, there were peer support groups, research and studies about the bipolar brain and it helped me understand the illness. Though fearful about what my life would be like, I accepted the diagnosis, found the right “cocktail” of medication, took responsibility, found a therapist and did everything I could do to stay well. My fears drifted away as I slowly got my life back. 

 My early life experience and managing my own diagnosis influenced me in a way I can’t describe. My empathy grew for other people like me and my sisters. Without a job at the time, I decided I would spend the remainder of my life helping others. In 2004, I graduated from university with a degree in social work and addiction and got a job at the same psychiatric hospital I was admitted to years prior. I’m now in private practice. 

I have embraced bipolar and I have found that it reveals my creative side, an ability to be curious, an explorer which has helped me in business. In 2015, I founded Focus Mental Wellness which has helped thousands of Canadians access online therapy. Last year, I decided to treat bipolar disorder and addiction exclusively and opened an office in Toronto.  

I was afraid like you but learned to accept the diagnosis and educate myself. I pushed through the fear and learned as much as I could. Look for facts instead of horror stories, stigma and the mythology around bipolar. Read about the newest research and treatments on credible websites. Try “hope scrolling”. Selena Gomez, Demi Levato and Bebe Rexha are some of the many creative people who despite having bipolar, live fulfilling and productive lives.

Lastly, don’t rely on alcohol, cannabis or other drugs to help you cope with mood cycles. I know from experience these only make it worse. Trust your medication. If you can’t abstain, ask for help or go to rehab. You are not your illness, don’t say “I’m bipolar”; you are more than this. Be a bipolar warrior and join others in a support group. Remember, it is through pain that we truly know and embrace true joy