Describe Something I`m Proud of in My Journey:
When I think about my journey and what it took to get from then to now, I feel a mix of emotions. Thinking about my hypomanic endeavors usually brings a smile to my face, and positive vibes engulf me. Unfortunately, they were followed by severe manias every time, and that wasn’t funny anymore. I know there were at least ten of them because that’s how many times I was taken to the hospital. There began the downfalls.
Depression is anything but positive and fun. If you manage to get through it, though, you know that you’ve got a fighting chance. It was during my third or fourth depression that I found out I have an immense will to live. I was at the bottom. And by bottom, I mean the lowest point I’ve ever reached. It wasn’t painful; it was just full of nothingness, concentrated in a small space. I felt like I was sitting in a small empty box, and nothing mattered anymore. At that moment, my thinking process was reduced to two basic options: Fight or flight. I could gather the shards of my remaining strength and try to take control of the situation. I didn’t have much energy to do that, but at moments like that, even a small, almost insignificant move can make an impact. It was either that or game over. No brainer, I agree, but those two options were equally attractive to me at that point in time. If you’re reading this, you already know that I decided to fight the beast. Not only did I fight it, I won! I was bruised and scarred from the battle, but I lived to tell the story.
More battles followed, more manias, more hospitalizations, more depressions. People came into my life, and people went away. Years flew by. Everything was changing. Almost everything. The fire of life burning in me since that day has never been extinguished. I have the upper hand now. I know that the darkness eventually ends. Everything passes. When you realize that, life becomes easier. Severe manias end. The darkest depressions end. That’s the nature of things. Ends aren’t necessarily bad for you. Usually, one process has to end for another to begin. I had to gaze into the eternal abyss to realize I wanted to live, and I’m glad I made the right choice.
Message for those who are Newly Diagnosed:
When you get the diagnosis, it could feel like a rug is being pulled out from under your feet. You’re bipolar. You have a chronic illness. You have a mental disease. You will never be normal again. Stop right there. Let me tell you something. Bipolar disorder is one of the best things that happened to me. It took me more than a decade and a journey to hell and back to get to this point, but now I’m here, and today, I wouldn’t swap my condition with anything. Why? Because I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. There were rough times. Times when I experienced emotions in all their glory. I’ve seen divine heights and infinite lows. I wanted to live my life to the fullest, and I wanted to end it. I would’ve never experienced that if I hadn’t been bipolar. You can get out of the grasp of the beast and live your life however you choose. Bipolar disorder will probably be your companion until the end of your days. So stop fighting it and start coexisting. I know you can do it.
