Something I’ve Learned About Myself Through This Journey
Through this journey, I’ve learned that there was never anything “wrong” with me, I simply didn’t yet have the language or understanding for what I was experiencing. Looking back, the intense highs, sleepless bursts of productivity, deep depressive crashes, and struggles with emotional regulation all felt confusing and isolating. After my first hospitalization and the losses that came with it, I didn’t recognize myself. I went from being high-performing and driven to barely functioning, and I thought I had lost who I was.
What Brings Me Peace When Things Feel Overwhelming
When things feel overwhelming, I ground myself through connection and creativity. Talking openly with my support system: my friends, family, and partner, brings me a sense of calm and safety. Staying physically active also helps regulate my mind: going to the gym, hiking, or simply spending time outdoors reconnects me to my body and the present moment.
Art is another major source of peace for me. Creating magazine mosaics, sketching, writing, or making videos allows me to transform intense emotions into something expressive and meaningful. Using my lived experience to create and share content that might help someone else feel less alone gives my journey a sense of purpose. Whether I’m moving my body or making art, these practices remind me that my feelings are temporary, and I have tools to soothe myself and reconnect with who I am.
A Mindset Shift That Helped Me Heal
One mindset shift that transformed my healing was realizing that my life is a garden, and not everyone deserves a key to the gate. In the early stages of my diagnosis, I watched people walk out after my episodes, and I assumed their absence meant I had been “too much,” like a storm they didn’t want to weather. I tried to shrink myself, prune myself down to something easy, something small.
But over time, I learned that healthy people don’t run from a garden that blooms differently, they show up with patience, curiosity, and care. The ones who step lightly, ask questions, and water what’s growing are the ones who deserve to stay. Everyone else can remain outside the fence.
Understanding this helped me build boundaries the same way you build trellises: not to restrict growth, but to support it. I’m not broken; I’m learning to cultivate myself and the circle around me now is made of people who truly see me.
How Sharing My Story Has Impacted My Recovery
Sharing my story has been one of the most healing parts of my recovery. I used to speak about my experiences in vague or cryptic ways because I feared judgment. But once I began opening up honestly, through conversations, videos, and my art, I was overwhelmed by the support and connection I received. People reached out to tell me that my openness helped them feel less alone or helped them understand a loved one with bipolar disorder.
Being able to transform something painful into something helpful has given me a greater sense of purpose. It’s why I donated to the International Bipolar Foundation earlier this year and why I plan to allocate proceeds from future creative projects to advocacy and education. Sharing my story reminds me that vulnerability is strength, and that community and understanding are essential parts of healing.
