People used to just say I was weird or eclectic or something like that. No one had a clue what was going on, including myself. I was probably the least aware of what was going on in my head or in the real world. What is the real world anyway? Is my perception of reality accurate and everyone else is crazy or am I the crazy one? Maybe no one here is crazy and we are all just different, but then again maybe I am REALLY different. I’m not sure how to explain what I was thinking at the time because I’m not really sure what was going on to begin with. My mind always racing with thoughts and constantly trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. But then again I was always trying to break apart the puzzle, but not so I could put it back together. I just wanted to see if I could do it, not put the puzzle together, but break it (or break me) and see how far I could push it.
I am also colorblind. Well, color-deficient is a better way to put it. My perception of blue might be your perception of purple and I might see green the way you see brown. Is this the way bipolar disorder works? Do I just see the world a little differently than most? No, I don’t think so. I really do believe that my way of thinking and my perception of reality is right, it is better than yours. When I see green and you see brown it doesn’t really matter what the color actually is because it is green to ME. It is true for me and that is my reality. But who am I to say? I’m just another guy, another weirdo with the same illness as any other weirdo out there thinking he is better than me.
Wow, what a bunch of mumbled thoughts. Is this the way everyone thinks? I wish I could go into someone’s head for a minute and experience how they view the world. What are they thinking? Are they at peace? It must be so nice to just sit down and think about one thing at a time. What must it be like to really feel comfortable, to relax? I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like. Is it boring though? I would be bored, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, what would I do? Would I enjoy relaxing? I don’t think so. I would just be counting down the seconds until I was done relaxing waiting for my next mission.
I have been properly medicated for a while now and my life is stable. Well, as stable as can be expected of a bipolar 29 year old male. It’s not bad though, I am always optimistic. Life has many great opportunities, so many opportunities that I can take advantage of. What am I going to do today, how will I conquer MY world today? I used to want to conquer THE world, now I realize I can only conquer MY world. And, you know what, that’s okay because my world is the only one I have to live in.