‘Waking up is hard to do’

I have always had a rather constant, endless even array of dreams. Whereas as some people have the odd dream now and again or some confess to never dreaming, I have always had dreams that are complex, graphic in their imagery and disconcertingly vivid, making one believe that the dream they’re currently experiencing is happening in real-time.

I kept diaries of my dreams for years, upon waking, making sure to scribble down all that I could remember, in order to analyse it, Freudian style later that day. I still believe that our dreams are there to be analysed and understood, and though I may no longer scrawl away in an old overused notebook, I still religiously dissect them and in doing so, I find many interesting and notable interpretations that often provides great clarity.

Recently things have changed. One of the constants in my dreams now, is the desire to wake up, the need for the dream to STOP, most often because I am led to believe that the events I am envisaging are true to life. As one image symbolically follows the next, as the tears fall slowly from my eyes and anxiety creeps into each crevice of my mind, I crave to be awake, alert and free from another nightmare.

However, upon waking, as much as one would wish that the clarity and knowingness of realising that all was but a dream, would reassure and comfort my mind, instead I am left with the residual images hovering over me for the rest of the day, which in turn greatly impacts upon my mood. Feelings of agitation as my mind obsessively plays the images and subject matter over and over again. Feelings of sadness as I recall the awfulness of what transpired and enveloping and persistent anxiety, as I hope longingly that this dream is not about to become stark reality and apprehension, always horrendous apprehension, wondering what the next nights sleep will bring.

I crawl slowly back into my bed and lay my head on my pillow, remembering how difficult it can be to fall asleep but also how waking up is so hard to do.

What will it bring tonight’s dream bring?

I will let you know!