Author: Nikta Niazi

Imagine a watering can being empty while the garden, the plants and flowers life all depend on this can; but ridiculously the can is empty. It refuses to contain water inside and nourish the plants. Or the sun, getting dark and gloomy one day and stop beaming its beautiful shine to the planet earth, we will not be able to continue.

Thats how I see self-love. I know the topic is on self-kindness but bare with me cause they are not separate topis at all. Self- kindness falls under the same umbrella.

When you love your self enough you will be able to share your beautiful light with others. If not, one will be as lightless as the dim, sunless sun.

One of the ways one can fill up their container is through self-kindness actions. It will add the water to the watering can and help one’s inner being stay hydrated and healthy.

Self-kindness is a must and should be a style of living because in this world of competition and separateness we owe our mental health that kind of pamper.

I have various ways to stick with my self-kindness routine. I find a great connection between body movements and mental health. Not just body movements like an exercise but generally any soft, mindful touch or connection with the physical body. I used to live in my head. Processing everything in my head, more than enough and almost all the time throughout my day. As a result, I would normally get disconnected from my body. My thoughts were harsh and critical. Negative and self- destructive. But things started to change since the pandemic.

I read a lot on self-love but deep down didn’t know how I should do that? How can I love my self while I feel negative most of the time of my life than positive? While I feel I am behind the rest of the world and will never speak my truth? Who am I? How can I love the self within me while I keep criticising it?

Its a long story but gradually I started to cut my bonds with others that were not serving me any more. I was seeking approval from all the outside sources, all the flawed sources who couldn’t even approve themselves let alone me. I thought seeking approval from others is like leaning your weight on them and live a fearful life. What if they walk and let me fall to the ground? Thats basically how it feels like when I was constantly seeking approval of others.

I did lots of me-time during the last year. I  not only detoxified my friends list; but also my habits, my physical body and my mind and Bingo! I am feeling much better today.

Some ways that I practice self-love are:

• I disconnected fake, unauthentic people from my life and instead developed my communication with my family and the very few friends I chose to keep in my life. It’s so easier now and I feel even more loved with fewer people around me.
• I practiced to be patient with my healing journey. I healed my heart through various meditations. Life is truly different after some time of doing meditation.
• Let my body eat what it craves, without feeling bad or guilty about it.
• Wrote diaries, listened to music, watched movies and lots of lazy weekends. I needed this so much!
• Quit smoking.
• Started some physical activity on a daily basis which is still going on.
• Started to learn more about my passion which is writing for movies and blogging.
• Doing meditation everyday.
• Taking care of my skin and using Gua Sha which is an amazing traditional technique to relax facial muscles. Using organic oils & etc.

The list will go on and on but the point is, we all know what our body and mind need at the times of our life. We just need to be kind enough to listen to it without judging it or being unresponsive to it’s needs and make time to answer to them.

Self-kindness is the key to many beautiful feelings. Start to be kinder today to yourself and answer to a need of yours kindly. Just like a loving mother who feed her baby without getting judgmental and angry. Gently and softly…