Author: Matthew Palmieri
Having written on the topic of New Year’s Resolutions this time last year, I am grateful for the opportunity to reflect once again on the progress I’ve made since accepting bipolar illness.
Re-reading the original post, I see a lot of enthusiasm. I see a lot of hope and an almost overwhelming desire to give advice. Maybe I was more manic than I realized.
The reality is, after this initial excitement, I spent much of 2024 in a more euthymic state.
The absence of severe mania and severe depression in 2024 lulled me into a kind of daily grind, a much needed middle ground.
The songs were more somber. The days, slower and heavier.
That’s one of the drawbacks to bipolar. It can be a very goal oriented illness—something that makes living in the present a challenge.
Bipolar is a reason to reach my full potential and a reason to judge myself harshly.
When I spend an entire year focusing on my goals, they seem so out of reach because I am often shifting the goalposts, all the while actually passing the progress markers I thought would enable me to feel like I’ve “arrived”.
During severe manic behavior, I focus a lot on a grandiose life, something that never quite leaves me because the symptom gives glimpses of the lifestyle I so want to live in.
What becomes unbelievable becomes achievable and I feel nearly invincible.
It’s a romantic poison.
The New Year
As 2025 approaches, I know I can afford to expand on my goals, having discovered habits that help provide needed stability—like exercise, mindfulness (at least attempted), therapy, and most importantly, routine, both in my sleep and in my day-to-day work.
What worked especially well was focusing on one goal at a time, which made me realize that setbacks I had prior to 2024 set the stage for a more focused and balanced life.
I’ve learned to filter things through the lenses of the illness, often pondering the destructive nature of mania, and the damaged relationships I created through my prior denial of the illness.
I reminded myself of the concept of the “slingshot” to growth and recovery. That is, sometimes when I take a step back for a while, although it feels like I’m going backwards, I’m actually setting myself to propel even further into a life I never thought I’d be able to achieve, but know that I deserve–a life of being content.
I’ve granted myself the hope I need to deeply connect with my illness, to live through it and to survive to the point where it is not necessarily an afterthought, but a way to stay focused.
To expand on the previous post, here are some bits of wisdom I’ve tried to live with:
- Focus on Routine, Not Outcome — Realizing I’ve achieved my goals takes perspective, and that often takes time, within a timeframe that may not necessarily be to my liking.
- Honor Your Gifts — We may not recognize our talents, because our depression is so real, but sometimes life can give subtle hints. If people around me are receptive to my efforts, it may not bring me out of depression, but it can provide a kind of “North Star” to where I should focus.
- Focus on Building Savings — This can be challenging, especially when in a manic state since spending can provide such immediate relief, but when I focus on savings, it allows me a kind of safety net in case something unexpected happens and I need time to recover.
- Find Out What is Foundational to Your Day-to-Day Wellbeing — Exercise is crucial. Finding my well being on the other side of strenuous activity can be huge for the daily management of bipolar. I find I’m less likely to seek external validation when I feel relief at the end of the day. As an extension of that, I find music is crucial to my overall well being. Sometimes all it takes is a lyric to give me hope about my journey. It can then be a mantra of sorts.
Although I see a difference in my overall mood state now from a year ago, I still have the same gratitude that has come with accepting that I have to live with bipolar illness, as opposed to pretending like I’m over the illness, or that medication solves all my problems.
One thing I love about having bipolar is that it has forced me to focus on who I am and who I want to be. January is simply the engine that drives me closer to where I know I deserve to be and where I likely already am.
The content of the International Bipolar Foundation blogs is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician and never disregard professional medical advice because of something you have read in any IBPF content.
