I think one of the less talked about aspects of Bipolar Disorder is what happens when one is stable. I mean we hear lots about both the depression side and the mania/hypomania side. But ,what about life as a stable person? Some call it remission. No depression and no mania. Most people would think this is a non-issue. For the average person who doesn’t know BPD, and maybe even for some who do, it isn’t an issue.
For those of us who only know living in extremes, it is unknown territory to be stable; to stay coloring inside the lines. That’s where I’ve been for several months now. It’s the first time I’ve been to this place for this long. The strangest part is I’m not sure I like it.
I Miss the Extremes
I’m tempted to adjust my meds to make myself go into hypomania just a little bit. The problem is there is no ‘little bit’. There’s only ‘wanting more’ and more of the same.
There’s Always a Flip Side
Of course, having hypomania experiences means having depression episodes as well. The logical side of me knows this. I also know that wanting to mess with my medication is also a bipolar trait. I have to be careful not to fall into that trap which could potentially derail me completely.
Change is Part of Life and Bipolar
This could be a whole new chapter of my life. Maybe the discomfort I’m feeling lies in the fact that I don’t like change much. Then again, bipolar is all about change.
Has anyone else struggled with this? How have you dealt with it?