The proudest moments of my Bipolar journey were acceptance/opening up, getting back up from the lows, and being able to spread my wings.

One of the hardest obstacles to overcome was accepting my inherent flaws. Coming from an Asian culture, being a man(I know other gender identities have their own struggles), and being a competitive student-athlete, I didn’t believe in mental health and didn’t want to be perceived as weak. So I kept these negative emotions and feelings to myself only to implode every so often triggering many depressive episodes. Practicing self-compassion allowed me to accept all my perfect imperfections.

After falling back on the familiar cold hard ground countless times, I was about to lose faith. This made me admit that I am inherently unique. I am so grateful for one of my dearest friends/ex encouraging me to seek professional treatment during/after our breakup. My treatment began after turning 25, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. I was misdiagnosed with depression and took antidepressants for 3 months. It only triggered the worst depressive episodes I’ve ever endured. To be truthful, I almost didn’t make it through. I am grateful to remain here today and deeply apologetic to myself and my loved ones. All the pains in the past have made me so resilient today and I am so proud to see how far and strong I’ve become. I take this quote to heart: “So no matter how many hits I take, I always find a way to come back.” by Peter Parker(Spider-Verse). I am so proud of myself for getting back up every time no matter how close I got to giving in.

Following learning that I am bipolar thanks to the antidepressants, I was finally able to accept, embrace, and love myself as a whole with an overflowing amount of love to spread. It kickstarted with a hypomania episode since I was coming off the antidepressants, but all the intentions, values, and mindset stayed constant after my mood crashed and stabilized. I can finally see a future for myself. I can finally experience all the good and bad emotions I’ve been concealing and pushing away for many years. Life has never felt so colourful and tasteful. I am proud to spread my beautiful wings just like butterflies after their metamorphosis transformation. I can finally say I know what it feels like to live.

My message to the newly diagnosed souls is to please practice self-compassion as it helped me tremendously. Please do not see it as an illness though I know exactly how impactful it can be. I lost 6 years of my life being in the dark not knowing this wonderful condition which only about 1% of the population can experience.

I hope that sharing my journey inspires you to see Bipolar “Disorder” as a gift, superpower, and privilege. Life is like a game of cards, we don’t get to pick our hands. We might get Aces or Threes, but just remember that it is 100% within our capability to play these cards to the best strategy.

Please do not feel ashamed to open up and insert our unique bipolar-ness into normal daily conversations as it will help raise awareness and break the stigma that even I had before knowing.

Please remember that you are worthy of love and all the wonderful feelings in life. Please cherish and appreciate all your strengths and weaknesses. Love every single atom of yourself. Be proud of all your past mistakes, failures, and victories, because that has made the unique and gorgeous “YOU” today.