Some days, I want to get off the ride. Some days, I just want to be “normal.” I don’t want to deal with unpleasant side effects of medications. I don’t want to endure my lows or spiral out of control during my highs. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t want to fall short. I don’t want to struggle through my days. Living with bipolar disorder can be utterly exhausting. At times it is as though I am just barely surviving, not living.
The lows are dark and lonely, and it may feel as though no one will ever be able to meet you there. The highs are frightening, exciting and acted out as if on a stage, although if you can be still for a moment, it is clear they are equally as lonely. But between the highs and the lows, there is beauty. Between the highs and lows, there is me.